


An angel´s inspiration

by Alex456w



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Art, Crying Castiel, Crying Dean, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fights, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Naked Dean Winchester, POV Castiel, Painter Castiel, Secrets, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Snarky Castiel, Trust Issues, prayers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5729965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex456w/pseuds/Alex456w
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been inspired to paint a masterpiece, he wants to make something that will cheer up the winchesters, except he isn´t completely inspired, until he notices that one object Dean can never takes his eyes off.</p><p>Castiel PoV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The rain shatters strongly on the outside of the bunker, and even though I do enjoy rain on a Sunday afternoon, today it´s become quite annoying, the sound of it plunging against the walls makes it hard to concentrate on anything. It may not sound so clear to Sam and Dean, especially since the walls of the bunker are partially underground, but as an angel I’m capable of perceiving sound in a way more accurate than the human ear can.

I attempt to focus on the television programs shown on Netflix, but every show has now become a repetitive plot, which simply doesn’t make sense. I now understand the whole reason of this Netflix and chill thing Dean has once tried to explain, with such bad shows and terrible programming it is rather preferable to have sexual intercourse with a significant other. At least, I wouldn’t mind it.

I try to pay attention to what is happening on the show Friends, Ross has accidently said Rachel’s name during his vows instead of Emily’s, people keep laughing and are somewhat still shocked about it, but I’m very certain that it’s not something you are supposed to do on a wedding day, so I don’t understand why the laughter. I have never seen anything as complex as comedy, at least not since the first time I saw the pizza man. 

I go looking for the more educational aspect of Netflix, though it seems like the only thing I can find are these documentaries on conspiracies. It is completely ridiculous that people think that the Grand Canyon was a product of an alien attack, or that Noah’s ark was actually an intergalactic spacecraft. My brothers and sisters would be laughing hysterically at such absurd assumptions, let alone what my father might think. I wonder if Sam and Dean ever believed in these things, since before I arrived, Dean was pretty reluctant about the existence of God and of angels.

I keep and keep looking, but everything is just as repetitive as the next, that is, until I see this painting, it’s so beautiful and it claims my attention the minute I see it, I play the documentary hoping to learn who created such masterpiece and how it was made. 

It is called The Mona Lisa, painted by Leonardo da Vinci, it turns out he was the same painter who created the Final Supper , I must point out he didn’t really capture everything that had happened at that dinner, all of God’s scribes and angels were there, but I guess da Vinci only cared for Jesus and the Apostols. 

I spend the next half hour looking for more documentaries on historical art pieces, though it turns out Netflix is of very little use on that aspect, but thankfully, Sam has showed me how to use the internet. 

Van Gogh, da Vinci, Picasso, Dali, all such amazing artists, and such beautiful creations they have blessed this world with, it was outstanding, my eyes simply cannot stop looking. Every little detail that they add to make their paintings come alive, each idea that they must have possessed in order to turn nothing into something amazing, it leaves me without words. 

It also makes me wonder if I could ever create such masterpieces, I am not completely good with social skills or anything human for that matter, but painting just seems so breathtaking, I must at least try. 

In the next few minutes I find these video tutorials that indicate how to paint such things as colorful backgrounds, self-portraits, different types of flowers, it’s so fascinating, I never realized humans had such talents. 

I am determined to paint something, anything, but the problem is I don’t possess any of the materials to do so, paints, pastels, markers, paintbrushes, so many things and yet I doubt that I’ll find any of them inside the bunker. Maybe I could ask Sam to buy me some materials, but I don’t feel right bothering him, he’s already done so much for me, it would be wrong on my behalf to keep asking for things. Maybe if I look hard around the bunker I might find something. 

Sam and Dean are nowhere to be seen, maybe they went out on a hunt or something, although they never leave without informing me, but that doesn’t matter, it’s time to look for some material. 

I start in the storage room, all the boxes contain many objects, but none of them are the ones I need, although they seem very interesting, but now is not the time to start analyzing them. 

There are many boxes on the top shelves in the library, I use my angel mojo, as Dean calls it, to lower the boxes. Books, nothing but books in each one, it is very frustrating not finding anything, maybe I can just appear inside a store and take some off the thing I need, although that would be wrong. 

“Dude, what are you doing?” 

I look up, I’ve been so distracted I rarely noticed when Dean entered the library. He wears a black T-shirt, underneath his green plaited shirt, blue denim jeans and his custom boots, and when I look up to see his face I can’t avoid it and end up foolishly smiling as I watch his green eyes, so beautiful. 

“Hello Dean.”

“You wanna tell me what you plan on doing Cas?”

“I am looking for painting material.”

“You plan on painting your room or something? Dude I know the color of the wall sucks, but you shouldn’t stress over it.”

“It’s not for painting the walls Dean, it’s for making a painting, an art piece.”

He looks blankly at me for a moment, as if not understanding what I am saying.

“You can paint?”

“Well, not exactly, but I want to try it out, I’ve been looking at these tutorials on the internet on how to paint, and it seems somewhat easy.”

Dean laughs, he looks at me as if he’s mocking me in some way, he shakes his head and finally looks directly at me.

“Man come on, those tutorial videos only make it look easy, but believe me, nothing on those videos is ever easy, ever.”

“Well that may be so, but I would like to try it out Dean, ever since you cured Rowena’s spell, I’ve felt inadequate, and Netflix is starting to become boring to me.”

Once again, a small laugh comes out of Dean, only this time when he looks at me he can tell I’m serious and he slightly frowns.

“Dude, I didn’t know you felt useless, how come you’ve never said anything.”

“You have enough on your hands with the darkness, I didn’t want to be another problem.”

“Cas stop it, you need to stop talking about yourself like you’re some kind of useless object, you’re an angel for Pete’s sake. Not only that, dude, you’re my best friend, and I’d rather have you here, boring yourself instead of having you die out there. So don’t ever go saying you’re useless ok?”

“Yes Dean.”

The way he talks when he’s determined, it always makes him stand out, and if I’m frank about it, it makes me care about him even more, especially knowing he wishes me safe.

“Let me go get my jacket and we can head off.”

“Where are we going?”

“To the craft store, you want those painting things don’t you?”

All I can do is nod and smile, he smiles in return, once he leaves for his room, I stand there, thinking that I’ll spend a few hours of the day with him. It’s always nice to spend time with Dean, he always has patience for when I can’t understand who or what he is referring to and he always asks me how I’ve been, maybe I don’t always respond honestly, but how can I try to explain my problems, when he has to risk his life every day. It just doesn’t seem right to complain, it isn’t fair for him.

He finally returns with his leather jacket on, he looks mesmerizing as always. “You ready?” he asks me, his words so welcoming.

“Let’s head out.” I manage to say without sounding absurd

The road to the craft store is silent, with nothing but the music surrounding us, Dean changes the cassette tapes after every song ends, he has a wide variety of music, and I thoroughly enjoy listening to it with him. When he changes the tape again, he lets his had rest on the seat, I feel so tempted to rest mine with his, it’s some kind of torture to myself, always wishing I could just say something, hope he would allow me to be with him, not as a friend, but as much more.

“Everything alright buddy?” 

It’s clear he caught me staring, but maybe he will ignore it, I must answer him before he starts to ask any more questions. 

“I’m just exhilarated about painting.” 

“Dude, you barely got the idea today, and you’re already all hyped about it?”

“I know it sounds ridiculous Dean…”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that Cas, I mean, it’s nice to see you enthusiastic over something that isn’t going back to the battlefield.”

“Is it wrong of me to want to go back to help fighting the darkness with you and Sam?”

“No, it’s just, you’ve already died twice, and with the whole heaven thing going on, I don’t know if we would be able to bring you back if something were to happen to you.”

“Dean, you and Sam have died just as much as I have, and look at us, we’re still here, still a team right?”

“Wrong.”

“What?”

“We’re family you dumbass, don’t ever forget that.”

A small blush, that is all my face shows, for I never thought I’d find a family outside of the garrison or outside of heaven, yet, the Winchesters practically adopted me, and I couldn’t be more grateful for all they’ve done.

“I promise I’ll never forget it Dean. We’re family.”

“That’s right, we’re brothers, never forget it.”

Brothers; it might be for the best, after all, I don’t find the courage to try and change that.

The rest of the way to the store, I admire the landscape, in silence. I don’t look back at Dean, he’s humming the tune to an old rock and roll song, and he is very good at it, very concentrated into what he is doing. I enjoy seeing the Winchesters take a day off or two, its better when they are relaxed, not risking themselves. 

After what seemed like a very extensive trip, we finally arrive at the craft store, it was bigger than I imagined it to be, but that only meant it had many more materials for art making than I could have imagined. I’m eager to find out just what lies about inside those walls.

My eyes don’t believe what they see, each corridor is filled with many objects, not just paints, there’s yarn, pipe cleaners, needles, fabric, everything. I practically take off the minute I see the hall that possesses everything an artist needs, it’s so beautiful, so colorful, on one side, there’s water colors, spray cans, oil paint, water based paint, an infinity of paintbrushes and different size canvases. 

Dean starts to laugh at how amazed I am, and I really can’t blame him, it’s just so mesmerizing and so full of color, for a moment I wish to have it all.

“So Cas, what do need?” 

“Well I’m very interested in painting something over a big canvas, so it’s probably better to take oil based paints, and many different types of paintbrushes.”

“Well, you seem to be the expert, so just go picking and put in them in the shopping cart.”

Without a second of hesitation, I fill the cart up with everything I need. I forget that these materials can be expensive but before I know it, the shopping cart is almost full, I stop.

“Dean, are you sure we can afford this?”

“Hey, I don’t want you stressing out on any of this, let Mr. Hendrickson worry about it.”

He pulls a credit card out of his pocket, I should know it’s not right to do this, but I am blinded by how excited making my own masterpiece sounds, I will just look the other way, as many humans tend to say. 

We stand in line waiting to pay, Dean keeps looking through everything I have selected to take home, he seems confused by every object he sees, he probably is not familiar with many of them.

It is finally our turn to check out our purchases, Dean keeps mocking me with what I am going to create.

“So how about a painting of those dick brothers of yours, you know you can add their bitchy attitude in each one of their faces. Or even better, a portrait, I wouldn’t mind posing naked for your masterpiece.”

I just smile at his absurdities, although his idea of posing naked for me really would not bother me, it would actually be very exciting to see that happen.

“You two make such a cute couple.”

The cashier interrupts my daydreaming, her words have caught me completely off guard, and I look over at Dean who‘s just started laughing.

“No ma’am you’ve got it wrong, Cas here is like my annoying little brother, although he would be lucky to have me as his husband, right Cassie?”

He ruffles my hair on purpose, and I shove him away while laughing, although he is right about something, I would be lucky. 

The cashier says she is sorry, but Dean and I tell her it is not necessary for her to apologize, that there was no problem at all.

I cannot help but smile as we head out towards the Impala, Dean keeps on teasing about how we would be an odd couple, he talks about me being the artistic stay at home dad, and him becoming the one who pays the bills, an odd couple by day, a hunter and an angel by night.

“What should we call our daughter?”

“Dean, please stop that, you are just sounding foolish.”

“Come on Cas, lighten up a bit. Now, what would we call our daughter?”

“Well, if we were to have a daughter, I would like to name her, Mary.”

His laughter becomes seriousness, he looks deeply at me, I cannot comprehend if what I have said has hurt him or if it has made him feel a bit happy. For a moment there is nothing but silence.

“Yeah, Mary would be a sweet name wouldn’t it? Well, I mean if we had a kid or something, I’m just now realizing how stupid this sounds.”

It is not at all stupid Dean, I have sometimes imagined it, although imagination is all it will ever be, my secret desire to be with you.

We put everything in the backseat and head to the bunker, Dean has become silent, I wonder if mentioning his mother’s name has upset him, I wonder if I have upset him.

“Dean is everything alright?”

“Of course Cas, everything is just peachy.”

I would like to insist on the subject, but I know Dean would shut me down instantly, he is not one to have chick flick moments as he says, and I would not like to see him angry today. 

As expected, the trip on the way to the bunker is completely silent, and nor Dean nor I, feel like speaking about anything, so I peacefully wait for us to get back home.

At last we arrive, and now I can’t wait to create my own work of art, it will be something outstanding, so much that it will make both Sam and Dean feel happy, they really need to feel that way after everything they have gone through.

I hang my canvas up and prepare everything I need, according to Dean, the tutorials are only supposed to make everything seem easier event though they are very complicated thing to do.

I truly hope he is wrong, because I am about initiate. I hope this works out like it should.


	2. Chapter 2

It takes me at least a week to understand basic color combinations, after that I begin to learn how to texturize, which will give my paintings life. Every artist I can find on the video website YouTube, they have such amazing techniques, I learn each single one of them, and within days I master them.

The way the paint scripts itself almost automatically on the canvas is just breathtaking, all the colors I can combine to make new ones, every aspect of detail I learn to do, it seems like the easiest thing ever, and in some way, it makes me feel human. 

I do not know if my vessel, Jimmy Novak, had an interest in painting, and when I speak with Claire, I do not dare try and mention him, for I feel she would shut me down immediately and I would never do anything to make Claire hate me. I guess for now I can say that this is my own way of being human, it is my own interest in becoming something more, and I love it.

However I do possess one issue, all my paintings are replicas of others, they are not my original work, they are mere copies of other artist’s interpretations. I don’t have my own masterpiece of which I can feel proud of, it starts to become an actual issue that bothers me.

I look around me, my paintings, they all hang on the walls, paintings of oak trees, portraits of various artists like Picasso, landscapes of places I have never visited. It is as beautiful as I see it, but my soul feels empty, none of the paintings represent what I believe in, they do not do anything for me, as I doubt they will make Sam or Dean feel happier.

I decide to abandon my room for a while, the mixed smells of oil paint have somewhat confused me, I swear I can even taste it, horrible. As I direct myself into the kitchen I find Sam, he is preparing one of those Vegetable shakes, I have never tried one, even when I was human meat was a more preferable meal to be honest. 

“Hey Cas, how’s painting going?” he asks me, his back facing me.

“Well I am stuck, if you want to know.”

“Stuck, what do you mean?” he finishes pouring his shake and finally faces me, I can notice a bit of concern in his expression.

“I can’t figure out what to do, you see all my paintings, they are but mere copies of other people’s work. None of it is mine.”

He chuckles, “Cas, all you need is a bit of inspiration, you’ve been in your room all week, maybe you could go outside, visit Claire, anything that can help inspire you.”

Then I realize that Sam must be correct, that is exactly what I need, “Thank you Sam, I will take your advice, I will go see Claire.”

And with that I am gone. In a brief moment I am outside of Sheriff Mills’ home, a bit nervous though, I don’t know if Claire will be happy to see me, we have not spoken in so much time, and almost every time we do speak, something goes wrong.

In my hands I carry my first professional painting, a light yellow teddy bear wearing a purple scarf, on his chest rests a piece of candy enfolded in a green wrapping, and he sits on a blue surrounding. I truly hope Claire will like it.

I knock on the door, there is no response, the minutes are tense, I feel uneasy, as if Claire will answer any minute and close the door in my face. 

There is an answer, but it is not Claire, it is Sheriff Mills, she smiles as she sees me, so I do the same.

“Castiel! Fine seeing you around here.”

“Hello Sheriff Mills.”

“Cas, we’ve talked about this, its Jody ok?”

“Ok, Jody.”

She shows a tender smile, and I feel the same coming from my mouth.

“So tell me what brings you round here, are the boys causing you trouble?”

“No, I um, I wish to speak with Claire.”

“Why sure, why didn’t you say so earlier, come on in.”

As I walk in, I feel less nervous about the situation, and Jody is of big help with it, that is until she starts yelling.

“Claire someone’s here to see you!”

“I’m not in the mood!” Claire yells back from her room.

“Don’t make me use my mom voice young lady! Now you come here this instant!” 

A grumpy, barely awoken teenager comes out stomping from her room, but it all changes when she sees me.

“Castiel.”

“Hello Claire I…”

She runs to hug me, it feels amazing, I hug her back, Jody observes us, and I notice a smile smeared all over her expression, finally Claire releases from the embrace.

“What are you doing here Cas?”

“I came to bring you this.” I hand her my painting, she seems confused so maybe it is a good idea to explain. “I have begun to learn the techniques of painting, and this is officially my first professional piece of art.”

“Wow, you’re really good dude, thanks, it’s really beautiful.” She smiles, and when I see Claire smile it feels as if my promise to Jimmy is being fulfilled, in way I don’t feel like I have failed her, even though I know I truly have. 

“Jody, would it be ok, if I take Claire out for lunch?” I ask patiently, hoping to have a day with Claire, I know it will be fun, it has been a good start so far.

“Only as long as you bring her before dark, she still has some chores to do.”

I face Claire, her eyes still focus on the painting, she seems to be inspecting every detail, maybe she will even become my first critic.

“Would you like for me to take you somewhere special for lunch Claire?”

She finally breaks from the trance she seems to be in, she faces Jody, and then she faces me.

“Yeah, I could use a burger, just let me go put this in my room.”

Once Claire leaves, Jody faces me, her face shows genuine shock, truly I am just as surprised as her.

“Well look at you Cas, an artist, who would have known. Sure wish the boys did something else than just slaughter things, but hey maybe you’ll rub on them.”

Jody’s words are meaningful, I too wish Sam and Dean could rest from all of this already, but for now that seems like an impossibility, I just hope I will be able to create something that at least makes them remember what Dean said, we are all a family and we are all here for each other. 

“Ok, let’s head out.” Claire says as she approaches Jody, giving her a hug goodbye. Jody is still surprised when Claire leaves through the door, as if something was odd in Claire, but I guess she’s just happy, or at least that is what I hope.

“I promise she will be here before dark.” I say before my I express goodbyes. 

Once outside Claire faces me, there is a bit of confusion in her eyes.

“Cas, where’s your car?”

”Well since cars take too long, I was hoping I could take you flying, besides, that way we could go to any place you would like to have a good lunch at.”

“So, if I told you I want to go to that fast food restaurant on the pier in Oceanside California, you could take me there?”

“Yes.”

She jumps on and holds my hand, she is eager, excited, I swear I have never seen her behave this way before, but it is so calming, and it makes my heart beat happily. “Hold on and bend your knees a little, according to Dean that helps.” Within a matter of second we are at a beautiful pier, the people around thankfully don’t notice anything. 

“Wow.” Claire expresses, I wonder if it was because I had never teleported with her in the past, but as soon as I look up, I realize what has amazed her.

It is so beautiful, the pier is long, and it heads directly across the ocean, it is made of wood, and all across it there are many people, some selling fish they have caught recently, others are tourists and they keep admiring the view. They are not wrong to do so, the ocean is a beautiful shade of crystalized blue, and on a sunny day like this, it would be a perfect heaven. 

I look over at Claire, she has not let go of my hand, instead she grips it tightly, just like me she has been looking at everything around us, I notice she is mesmerized by everything, except I can tell that it is more than that.

“Claire, is everything alright?”

She faces me and smiles, “Yeah, everything’s great, this place, it’s just so beautiful.”

We keep walking, it is a very extent pier, but it really does not matter to any of us, the view really is worth it. Claire brings out her phone, and as a lady walks past us, Claire instantly stops her, “Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of me and my dad?”

“Of course dear.”

Claire hands her the phone and hugs me as the lady takes our picture, the smile on my face is genuine, Claire has never once called me her father, especially not in front of others, I am starting to wonder if she is possessed. All that spins in my mind right now is the smile that is resembled on her face, I can tell she is actually happy, and for that, so am I.

Once the lady hands us the phone we thank her and keep on heading towards the restaurant, it is located at the end of the pier, an enormous fast food restaurant above sea level, it seems very interesting.

Claire’s excitement cannot be dissimulated, she lets go of my hand and heads off, “Bet you can’t beat me to the restaurant!” she yells as she heads towards the end of the pier. I find myself running towards her, the excitement and happiness I fell, I wonder if that is what a father feels.

We head in running into the restaurant, our laughs disturb the families enjoying their lunches, but it does not matter at all, for we are enjoying every moment. As soon as we catch our breaths we head towards an empty table, the waitress comes by and leaves us the menu, the variety of sea food is outstanding.

“So, what are you gonna have Cas?” Claire asks me, she must have noticed I stare very intrigued into the menu.

“Well this Halibut sounds outstanding, I think I’ll try that.” I smile, she laughs.

“You sure you don’t want a cheese burger and some fries?”

“Well, that seems better.”

Once again she is laughing, I can’t help but laugh with her, it has been an unusual day, at least being close to Claire it has.

Our order finally arrives, we start eating, the food doesn’t taste as amazing as they say, then again as an angel I don’t really have taste buds. Claire starts chatting about wanting to try out for an after school chemistry class, I encourage her to do so. None the less, there is something I need to know.

“Claire, can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?”

“Is everything actually alright?”

“Cas, are you deaf?” I told you everything was ok.”

“It’s just, whenever I try to speak with you, you tend to ignore me, and all of sudden all that has changed, you’re even ask strangers to take pictures of us together.”

“And that’s weird? Honestly Cas I’m just trying to enjoy my burger.” 

”I’m truly sorry Claire, I just worry, I promised your father…”

“Dammit Cas I said everything was ok!”

She stands up and hurries out the door, I try following her but the waitress stops me, I have forgotten to pay. Once everything is paid for I hurry after Claire, she has not run away, she is sitting on a bench, crying, now I feel horrible.

“Claire.”

“Go away.”

“Please, I am truly sorry, I did not mean to hurt your feelings.”

She doesn’t answer me, instead she observes the ocean, I sit beside her, not knowing what to truly say.

“You wanna know why I chose this place specifically?”

I simply nod.

“My dad use to bring us here, at least once every summer.” She answers.

I feel like such an idiot, I should have never bothered insisting on finding out if everything was ok, it must be a torture for Claire to see her father knowing that it is not him but me occupying his vessel. 

“Claire, I truly am an idiot, I should have known, I don’t know what else to say.”

“I know you mean well Cas, but imagine seeing the image of your father, knowing it’s not him there, it’s someone else living in his body. And A part of me will always see him, as much as I try to acknowledge it’s you Cas, I just can’t forget Jimmy, my father.”

I hug her tightly for I know of nothing else I can do, and in all my moments of sorrow I shed a tear.

“Cas, you’re crying.”

“I guess failing the ones you love can really affect you.”

“You haven’t failed me ok? It’s not your fault, it really isn’t.”

She brings out her phone, in it is the picture taken of us, both our smiles our genuine, but I cannot shake the feeling that Claire sees Jimmy in that picture and not me.

“You know something Cas, I love this picture, and I’m gonna frame it.”

“That means a lot to me Claire.” 

She embraces me once more, this time I feel her smile, but I know it still hurts her.

“Ok, enough sad moments. Tell me about your paintings, how’s everything going with that.”

I truly wish she didn’t change the subject, but her face shows determination in ending with our conversation, I decide it’s for the best, at least for now.

“So are you gonna stare at me all day, or are you gonna tell me?”

“Well, I have one issue.”


	3. Chapter 3

“It’s simple Cas. Look, when something truly inspires you, it doesn’t really ever leave your mind, you think about how you could perfect it, until it’s a complete masterpiece.”

Claire is so wise, she must have gotten that from her parents, and she is right, I will know when something is truly inspiring and when I find that inspiration I will create the greatest masterpiece that any angel has created, r in this case the first masterpiece an angel created.

“So anyways, why are you so obsessed with finding the perfect inspiration, your paintings are already amazing.”

“I am aware that they are good paintings...”

“Amazing paintings”

“Amazing paintings, but the thing is, I wish to create something that will cheer up Sam and Dean, for this whole situation with the darkness has really taken over them and I don’t enjoy seeing them be miserable.”

“Especially Dean right?”

“I don’t understand Claire, is there something I should know?”

“Um… nothing Cas.”

“Claire…” 

Her face expresses a hint of something obvious, are my feelings for Dean really that notorious? Has Claire noticed the way I look at Dean, or is there something else that I don’t know?

“Claire, please tell me.”

“Cas come on, it’s so obvious you want something with him, the way you look at him, it’s the same way you look at someone when you’re in love… it’s the same way dad use to look at mom,.”

She looks down at the wooden floor, I can feel her eyes starting to flood in tears, and all I can do is hug her. She embraces me and silently controls her breathing so no one around us hears her, I don’t know what I was thinking trying to make her speak of her parents and now, making her deal with my problems when she has gone through so much herself.

“Claire, I’m truly sorry, I should have never insisted on our earlier conversation, all I do is hurt you, please forgive me.”

“Cas, you don’t hurt me ok, stop saying that.” She looks at me with honest eyes, she is being as sincere as she can be, “I’m always glad you’re there when I need you ok?”

“Thank you Claire, that means a lot to me.”

She wipes her eyes, and tries to look cheerful.

“Now, if we can discuss when you plan on telling Dean that you like him.”

“Claire, I don’t think that it would be wise.”

“Why not Cas? Don’t you want to know if he feels the same way?”

“Claire please, there are much more important manners to attend to right now.”

“Like your paintings?” She grins mischievously, she is one smart teenager. “Are you scared he’s not gonna feel the same way about you?”

I try hiding the evident in my expression, it is true, I could not bare with telling Dean how I feel for him and having him reject me. Even if he doesn’t reject me, it would put our friendship in an uncomfortable position, and I don’t want that.

“Claire, can this just be between us?”

“Fine Cas, but I’m just gonna say it, anyone with eyes can see what you feel for him.”

I truly hope she is wrong about that. But what if Dean already knows? Is he not saying anything because he doesn’t feel the same, or am I of minimum importance to him that he doesn’t care? I should not think of that in this moment, it is my day with Claire and I should do everything to make sure she has a good time. And now I must make this day better for her, and I know how.

“Race you to the beach!” I yell as I run.

She chases me with enthusiasm, and I can hear her laughing as she catches up to me, she eventually beats me to the shore of the beach, the water is so clear, it is a wonderful sight.

We spend the rest of that day walking amongst the shore, at some point we decided it would be fun to swim, but the water was much colder than Claire imagined, I guess it is moments like these where being an angel is useful in a fun way. I hug her to keep her warm, though when no one is watching I use my powers to dry her off.

“With powers like those, can’t you just make Dean love you?”

I laugh as hard as I possibly have laughed in that day, “Claire I doubt my “mojo” can serve me for that kind of purpose.”

“Damn, can’t you read his mind to find out if he likes you too?”

“I promised Sam and Dean I would no longer do that.”

“Well, can’t you break that promise, just a tiny bit?”

“Claire, stop insisting.”

“Alright. But seriously dude, you gotta tell him.”

I keep that in mind for the future, but not for now. When night comes I take her home, Jodie is just as amazed as I am when Claire salutes her and Alex with a smile on her face, a sincere smile.

“Bye Cas, thanks for an awesome day.” She hugs me then leaves for her room.

Jodie just stares at me and so does Alex.

“Did you drug Claire?” Alex asks me, from the expression on her face it seems like she is actually wondering if I have done it.

“No, I simply took her out for lunch.”

“Well whatever it was, please keep on doing it.” Jodie says to me.

 

I say my goodbyes to both Jodie and Alex and head back to the bunker. It is so quiet, Sam and Dean have probably left for a case, or maybe they went to get some dinner, I guess the time alone could help me find my inspiration. As I head towards my room I hear something someone or something speak, I enter carefully, it could be an intruder, only it’s not, it’s Dean.

“Dean?”

“Huh? Hey Cas, sorry man, I was kind of curious how the whole painting thing was goin. Dude, you rock at it.”

Something sinks inside me and it makes me feel warm, as if his compliments make my day better than it already was.

“Thank you Dean.” I manage to say without sounding like a fool, even though part of me blushes at his kind words.

“So, how come Sam and I haven’t been invited to your exposé on art stuff?”

“Well I haven’t done something that’s actually mine, all of these are just copies of paintings I found online.”

“Yeah dude, but you need talent to paint them and you actually do have it. I’m surprised as hell, I was sure you were gonna end up, I don’t know intoxicating yourself or something.”

I simply laugh, It is things like those that actually make me love him, he is spontaneous, and that is something I admire of him.

“Well anyway Cas, I think you need to stop stressing over it, how about you and I watch a move? Sam’s not getting here till tomorrow so it’s just you and me.”

“Sure, that would make me very happy.”

He just chuckles, as he exits the room he faces me one last time.

“I’ll get started on the popcorn you take Sam’s laptop and look for a good movie on Netflix alright?”

“Alright Dean.” 

He smiles and leaves to prepare the popcorn, I guess the day just got better.

My mind is a little distracted during the look for a good movie, but how else can I feel, the time alone with Dean is one I treasure most, I always do.

I finally settle for the movie good will hunting, a story about a young man with an incredible ability at mathematics, it claims my attention immediately, I just hope Dean will appreciate it and won’t shut down the idea.

After a long 10 minutes he enters the room, a bowl full to the tip with popcorn and a six pack of beers in his hands, he is surely prepared to let loose, and he should, both him and Sam shouldn’t be devoting every second to Amara.

“So what movie you settle on?”

“I was thinking good will hunting.”

“You mean the one with the math nerd and the crazy shrink?”

“He is a psychiatrist.”

“Well whatever, the point is we’re gonna get hammered and fat from all these popcorn, or at least I plan on it.” He chuckles and sets on the bed.

I sit in the chair near the television, and promptly shove myself with popcorn, I don’t see the great interest in them , they are not the best food I have had. 

The movie is quite outstanding, and there is a response on every aspect of doubt that surges in my mind towards it, I look over at Dean he is up to his third beer, but he too is paying attention at the movie, I guess he actually likes it.

“Dude, what are you looking at?”

He catches me staring, and I am nervous of what I should answer. “Um... the bed looks more comfortable than this chair.”

He stares blankly at me for a moment, and then finally speaks up. “Well by all means, come over here, the bed’s big enough for two.”

I do as told, an impulse takes over me completely, there was no time to rationalize, not at all. I try not to make it uncomfortable for either of us, but it would seem that Dean doesn’t mind at all. His attention is set on the film.

-You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, the girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other, that’s the whole deal-

Those words stay in mind for a moment, and I start to reflect on what Claire has told me, and now with what Sean has said, I wonder if telling Dean something might change everything. Maybe there is even a slight chance, he feels the same.

I face him, with a hint of fear, only to find him fast asleep beside me, he seems so tired, and I must leave to let him rest.

Although at first I do not move at all, it feels strange to have him by my side, but it also feels perfect. I stare lazily at his face, I could count every freckle that covers his body, count every hair at the top of his head, and be beside him just as now, if I only had the opportunity. 

After a long glare at him, I decide to get up, I help remove the beer and popcorn from him, and then pull the covers on so he doesn’t feel cold, I surely hope Sam does not mind he stay here.

It is then when something catches my eye, Dean’s wallet is standing on the counter, within it holds the picture of Dean and his family before the incident with Azazel.

Dean has always taken care of that picture, he keeps it safe for him to look whenever he is frustrated, and I know both him and Sam have a special place in their heart for this particular image, which is what gives me an idea. 

No, it’s not just an idea, it’s a glimpse of inspiration, for I know what I shall pain in order to give the Winchesters something they will feel good about.

I take the picture out of the wallet carefully, making sure I don’t harm it in any way, for now Dean must not know I have it in my possession, it is a risky task and I know that, but it is a consequence that I am willing to face.

I guess it is time to see if my painting skills can create a masterpiece out of another, for I will not rest until it is made and until it is perfect for him, for them.


	4. Chapter 4

I try acting as normal as possible the next morning, Sam and I have a small talk before he heads out for his morning run, he has asked me many times to join him, but I simply cannot find interest in jogging down the streets as people stare at you while you pass by, though that does not matter, for Sam has changed the conversation.

“So remind me again, why you and Dean were watching a movie in my room, more importantly, why you left Dean on my bed when you could carry him to his bedroom.” 

“I did not want to disturb his nap, he tends to get aggressive when waking him up, you of course know that.”

He just smirks, “Sure, I know.” He finally leaves and tells me he will be back soon.

Finally after he leaves I head into the library, I will start with some research so I don’t look suspicious, and once the coast is clear I shall begin with my painting, I must hurry if I don’t want Dean to notice that his picture has been gone for long. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

It seems it’s too late for that. I walk towards the room, trying to seem calm but at the same time worried as if I do not know what is happening. Finally, I arrive.

“Dean is everything alright?” 

“My picture is missing!”

“What picture?”

“The one I always keep in my wallet, it’s always there and now it’s just disappeared.”

I try to act as concerned as possible, but I genuinely turn concerned when I realize the panic that can be noticed on Dean’s face.

“Dean please calm down, I’m sure you may have just dropped it somewhere.”

“Cas you don’t understand, it’s not just any stinking picture, it’s very important to me.”

I wish I could hug him, tell him everything is ok, I wish I could do anything to make him feel less miserable. Maybe taking that picture without telling him wasn’t a good idea. 

“Dean I don’t have many experience with loved objects, but I know that this picture means a lot to you, so I will determine this whole day to finding it.”

“Thanks man, I know you’re up your ass with the whole painting stuff, but thanks for doing that.”

“It is my pleasure Dean.”

I leave the room instantly and head off to find the missing picture, although I already know where it is.

We spend the rest of that morning looking for it, with no luck, Dean is miserable and I hate that I am the cause. Maybe I should tell him, maybe I should have asked if it was ok to take it, but I was blinded with the idea that surprising them with the painting would be much better. 

“Fuck!”

“Dean please, calm down.”

“Don’t you fucking ask me to calm down Cas!”

I have really messed things up.

“Dude I’m sorry, I didn’t wanna yell at you.” He responds apologizing.

“It’s ok Dean, I should understand that this is a struggling moment for you.”

He looks at me with sad eyes, eh feels guilty for yelling at me, but I feel even more guilty for hiding the truth from him, I had done that in the past with my alliance with Crowley, and I there would be no way I would plan on hurting Dean that way again.

“You know what” he interrupts my thoughts, “maybe we should forget about the picture for now and have a good brunch, how’s burgers sound?”

“That would be great Dean.”

“Alright.” He heads into the kitchen, as soon as he is out of sight I go directly towards my room, the picture is hidden underneath the mattress, I am not sure whether I should give it to Dean or start my painting, my head is bursting with pain thinking about all the outcomes. 

I put it back in place, I will not back down from my inspiration, not now at least, as soon as I finish having breakfast with Dean I’ll begin with my painting. I truly hope everything goes out well, I would hate for Dean to hate me or anything, why must this always be so hard?

Heading into the kitchen I can already smell the hamburgers Dean is making, they smell delightful, unfortunately I can never actually taste them, but I can at least enjoy Dean’s effort for doing them with the stress over losing his family picture. 

Breakfast goes about as usual, a common talk between Dean and I, we argue a bit about the darkness, how we plan on defeating it, and as always, the conversation turns to whether or Dean will be able to try and defeat Amara.

“Man, I don’t know, I can’t find myself trying to hurt her, right now I want her dead, but in the moment I just space out, and I don’t know why.”

“Dean you should not stress about it, at least not now, we are lucky enough that Amara has not shown up, at least it gives us time to plan our next move.” 

“And what move would that be Cas?”

“I am sorry to say that I don’t know.”

The rest of the meal is completely silent, neither of us has the energy to try and speak up about it, but we are both terrified, each at our own level, in our own way. The thought of what Amara has planned for earth, for heaven and even for hell is quite panicking. 

After we finish eating, Dean heads for the library to try and do some more investigation, I tell him I will be in my room painting, hopefully he doesn’t get curious as to what I am painting this time.

“Alright well if you need anything I’m gonna be in the library trying to clear my mind. “

I simply nod and then head towards my room, bringing the picture from underneath the mattress, I start preparing my materials. 

Although I have gone through this process many times, this moment has me a bit nervous, as if failing at this would mean failing Sam and Dean, making Dean worry about his picture for nothing would just be unforgivable.

I will do my every best, and I will not sleep until it is worthy of the Winchesters, I promise.

******

As of now, two days have gone by and I have already ruined four paintings, my nervousness has been getting in my way, I try to calm myself down, but it is useless. Whenever I start a painting, it goes out good, but within minutes I am frustrated with the idea that it is not at all perfect. I need it to be perfect I need it to help the Winchester and make them understand that I care for them, that they need to understand that neither of them is alone in this.

I look at the picture one more time, there’s Dean, Sam as basically a new born, and their parents Mary and John, all beside of the tall Oak tree, blooming and full of life, behind them laid there home, it was a pale color of white although I think that’s just because of how old the picture is. Dean sports a haircut which is not that common to him, but overall he seems happy, and I wish he would feel like that all the time. 

I begin by creating the background, a mixture of a gray and blue, my intention is to recreate the painting but with more color than it now possesses, adding a bit more of light colors might help it come to life. 

The oak tree isn’t that complicated, simple shades of dark brown and green to give the trunk a vibrant color and a hint of vividness, the leaves must seem more live like than the rest of the tree, for the contrast must be equal. 

This time I go about doing it without ruining anything or at least I do not think have ruined anything, piece by piece I begin adding more and more life towards what the painting should look like, the house is now a clear shade of white with a wine colored roof, and in the back of it all neatly cut green grass. 

Now comes the soul of this masterpiece, Dean and his family. I take deep breaths trying not to screw anything up, it has to be perfect or else all of this would just have been a waste of time.

I pick up the paintbrush, trying to begin outlining the family’s image, but I find my hand trembling as I try to approach the canvas, I cannot do it, at least not yet. It is not right now the ideal moment to finish it, the background is perfect but I need the family’s image to be even more than perfection, I must take a rest.

I head out slowly from my room trying to make sure nor Sam nor Dean see what I am up to, it would ruin my surprise, and added to the fact that Dean thinks his picture has been lost, I cannot allow him to know I possess it. 

It seems that neither of the brothers are out in the hall, they must be in the library investigating about the darkness or of anything else, I shall simply approach them with caution, acting as I have no idea of what has been happening and honestly I don’t.

As I enter the library Sam glances shortly at me then looks down at his book again, Dean is much more distracted than his brother, he is not even focusing on the book that he is supposedly reading, I clear my throat to notice my entrance, he glances in surprise.

“Hey Cas, what’s up?”

“I wanted to know if you had found your picture.”

He lets out a long sigh, “No luck yet buddy, thanks for worrying though.”

“Dean, what are you talking about?” Sam asks intrigued, and somewhat worried.

“Nothing Sammy, let’s get back to the books shall we.”

I sit down beside them and grab an encyclopedia, I might as well contribute to them instead of just hiding in my room getting all desperate because of my painting.

The hours are long, Sam decides he needs to eat something or his head will explode and heads for the kitchen, as consequence Dean and I are left alone. I glance at him and he glances back, we don’t really talk, we just observe each other as if trying to speak through our minds, but since I have promised not to read his mind I honestly have no clue as to what is happening.

Finally he speaks up., “So how’s that whole inspiration thing going?”

“It is going great actually, Claire was of a lot of help, and I guess I finally found something that actually inspires me to do my best, and inspires me to create a unique masterpiece. 

Dean lets out a small grin, he seems happy, which makes me feel good inside, something about him smiling makes things seem less torturing, and in these moments with every situation that is taking place, it is nice to see him at least smile. 

“So, when do we get to see this amazing masterpiece which will end with world hunger and foreshadow over all of Da Vinci’s?”

I laugh at his incoherence, he is such a unique character, and I am glad he is ok in these moments, knowing how it must kill him to not know where his family picture is. I promise I will end my painting soon so he can have it back, I promise I won’t torture him with it anymore. 

I cannot shake my feeling of guiltiness, for if Dean were to find out before I finish painting, he could get mad at me in ways that could end everything between us, and that, that would hurt me in ways I cannot even imagine.

I shake off those thoughts for now, as I get up I ask Dean if he doesn’t want anything from the kitchen, but he insists that he doesn’t.

I find Sam making a sandwich, he seems very passionate about the whole healthy and nutritious snack, “Hey man, you want a sandwich?”

“That is very kind of you Sam, but I am just in need of some water.”

“Everything alright dude, I mean you know both you and Dean have been acting weird. I mean, I found Dean making a mess in the armory looking for something but he doesn’t tell me what.”

“He lost his picture, the one that contains the image of your whole family before, the accident.”

“You mean, before Azazel ruined it?”

I slowly nod, he looks down for a moment and I can tell he has taken the worst of it, I did not realize that the picture meant as much to Sam as it did to Dean. I have really screwed things up this time, I better give the picture back, tell them I found it and then just never finish the painting.

“Cas, you ok pal, you seem a bit nervous?”

I look up, Sam has his sandwich finished in his hand, he gestures as if wanting to make sure I am ok, but I really am not.

“Yes Sam I am fine, let’s head back to research.”

He exits first and I follow, I can feel he is tense, maybe nervous over the fact that Dean had lost the picture, or he might already know I am hiding something from them. I do hope I am wrong, for the last thing I want in this moment is for both of them to start doubting me lie in the past. Although I am to blame, I have done things to harm the Winchesters, but this is not one of them, it really is not.

As we enter the library I notice Dean is nowhere in sight, he must have left to the bathroom or something.

I excuse myself from Sam telling him there is something in my room I must attend to, he simply nods and tells me it is ok.

As I head towards my room I notice the door is opened, but I did not leave it open, in fact I close it shut and made sure the painting was covered so I would not ruin the surprise. Suddenly the worst scenario comes into my mind, and I fear it might come true.

I open the door slowly, and just as I imagined there he is, Dean is sitting on the edge of the bed, he faces me as I enter, and the anger on his face is completely noticeable.

“Dean, is everything alright?”

He gets up walks towards me, and in a matter of seconds he has me against the wall.

“You filthy son of a bitch!”

“Dean, wait!”

But nothing stops him from releasing a punch at me, a strong and anger full punch.


	5. Chapter 5

When I wake up I am on my bed, I can feel my head aching and pounding, it is a horrible sensation, I look around, my room is empty and there is no one. The paintings are all in order, and my surprise masterpiece is still hidden perfectly.

I get up, not minding the concussion on my forehead and taking slow steps towards the door, suddenly I hear voices, at first they are not completely clear but eventually I understand them, it is Sam and Dean arguing, probably because of me. 

“Dean, you don’t know that!”

“Oh please! He’s betrayed us in the past, what makes you think he wouldn’t do it now!”

“Are you even listening to yourself, this is Cas we’re talking about, ok. He has changed, he’s no longer working with Crowley, or under Naomi’s control, he is simply Cas!”

“Then why the hell did he have that picture! He knew how much it meant to me and he still acted as if he didn’t know where it was!”

“I’m sure he has a reasonable explanation!”

“I bet he does.”

I cannot believe Dean would think I would betray them, I thought that we were now family, but I guess maybe I was wrong.

I exit the room, face still facing the floor, I finally look up and I Can see Dean’s anger rise inside him, while Sam seems pitiful and not knowing what to do. Dean leaves the hall angry as ever, and Sam faces me afterwards.

“Sam, what happened?” I ask innocently, after Dean’s first punch I simply blanked out and honestly cannot remember.

“Sit down Cas.” He says, indicating I sit in the chairs outside my room, apparently, they were keeping watch of me, like a criminal who might try and escape at any time.

“Sam, please don’t hesitate and tell me what happened.”

He looks at me for a moment, then starts talking. “I heard you grunting, telling and pleading Dean to stop, when I entered the room I found Dean beating you up against the wall. I eventually separated you guys, but he had so much fury in him that he injured you so badly, and with a lot of struggle I managed to take him out of the room.”

He pauses, and takes a sigh, I can tell that remembering this somewhat troubles him. “Once outside of your room, I asked Dean what was going on, he was furious and told me that you had the picture resting on your bed. He said he instantly knew you were scheming something again, I tried telling him he was wrong but he wouldn’t listen. He left completely angry, and once he was gone I entered to help you out. I didn’t know what to do, you were covered in blood and could barely move, all I could do was place you on your bed and try and help cure the hurt spots, by the looks of it, I see it helped a lot.”

I don’t answer at first, I simply try to acknowledge Sam has told me, finally I speak up.

“I did not mean to harm him, it was not my intention for this to happen.”

“Cas you gotta understand, after everything that has happened, Dean only has his family to trust, and it kills him to think you could be betraying us again.”

“Sam I would never…” I try to explain but the words cut off, I guess I have given Dean reasons to lose his trust in me, I cannot believe I thought of this as a good idea.

“Dude, I know you wouldn’t do this, again, but come on, what were you thinking taking the picture in the first place?”

“I wanted to do something for you two.”

“You mean like a surprise?” 

“Well that was my original plan.”

“Can I ask what it was?”

“Well I needed the picture because I planned on…” I am interrupted by the sound of metal objects falling, followed by a loud groan which could only belong to Dean.

Sam attempts at getting up before I stop him, “Please Sam, allow me to speak with him, I have to emend this after all.”

I exit the hallway and direct myself into the library, Dean is smashing things on the ground, his frustration intimidates me, I have done a huge mess of things, and now I must find how to repair it.

“Dean…”

“Shut up Cas, I don’t wanna hear anything from you, not right now.”

“Please, allow me to explain.”

“Explain what Cas? The fact that you knew just how much that picture means to me, and yet you decided it was ok to take it and hide it from me? Is that what you want to explain, because I’m fucking sure I got that!”

“Dean if you would you just let me…” I try to get closer but he halts me.

“Dude if were you I would stay my distance, because right now I’m so fucking pissed that I might just beat the crap out of you again.”

“Dean please…”

“Enough Cas! Stop trying to give me explanations, all you do is break my trust ok? You keep acting like you’re on my side but you do things that keep making me doubt your loyalty.”

I look up at him, “Loyalty? You mean like a dog or a slave?”

“What? NO! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“No Dean, that is exactly what you meant, I know I messed up , but you have been treating me like some kind of pet for years, you keep seeing me as a liability and sometimes like a weapon of quick recovery for your injuries.”

“So now it’s my fault.”

“No Dean, I did wrong taking the picture, but what you just said only confirms what you actually think of me. You don’t actually see me as family, you keep seeing an angel of the lord, keep seeing its power, that’s all you see.”

“What power? You aren’t as strong as you were before.”

I lose my temper, I launch myself at him and within seconds I have him pinned on the ground. He throws a punch at me but I counter back, I don’t know why but I am overruled with anger, after every punch I throw he responds with another. It is like this until I get up.

He gets up too, infuriated, and at the same time sad. “So now what, I’m not worth your beating up.”

“Dean I…” 

“Stop fucking apologizing Cas! It’s getting annoying aright?” 

I simply don’t know what to say. I want to believe I am overreacting but I just cannot think straight anymore.

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” I say quietly, looking sat the floor in shame.

“What?” he asks puzzled.

“I wanted to make a painting, a replica of that picture… for you.”

“You were gonna do what?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore Dean, I should go.”

“What no, Cas wait…”

In a matter of seconds I am outside of the bunker. I appear on the pier in Oceanside, before I can even comprehend, tears start falling down my cheeks. Dean believes I would betray him again, he does not see me as family, I am probably just a useless angel without anything extraordinary to him. Does Sam think the same way? Am I really nothing to them? Do they actually see me as a friend or do they just feel the need to help me because I am useless and have nowhere to go?

It is the worst feeling I have ever encountered, I lost his trust, I am not part of the Winchester family, I am nothing. No longer am I a warrior of heaven, I am expendable and I always have been, always.

As I walk through the ocean I ask myself what might be happening in the bunker right now, maybe Dean has told Sam about the painting, maybe they are looking for it inside my room, or they really don’t care anymore.

Seriously, what in god’s name was I thinking? I knew that picture meant so much to Dean, and yet I took it like it was nothing, like he wouldn’t miss it at all. I should have never gotten involved in painting, I was able to make Claire happy but I failed the Winchesters, again. 

Cas, can you hear me.

It is a prayer from, Dean, I know should ignore it, but I just need to know what he wants.

Cas, I’m sorry man, I shouldn’t have doubted you, I shouldn’t have beaten the crap out you, let me make it up to you man, please.

And there it is, a simple apology, but I do not see any meaning behind it, it feels forced, as if Dean was only saying it to make me feel better. I can’t accept it, not in this particular moment at least, Dean has offended me, he has called me weak and also not loyal to him, like a dog that has betrayed its master. 

Dude, I’m really sorry, c’mon Cas! Get back here!

Not this time.

I stand up and head for the pier, I shut my senses, ignoring Dean completely and walking calmly as I observe the shore. Whole families chase each other, children swim in peace, it is so calm, and it is relaxing I must say, perfection.

A couple surpasses me, they too seem so peacefully and happy, reminding me of what I can never have, for I ruin everything and everyone I touch. The Winchesters have lost people, but so have I, I have given up many of my brothers and sisters for them, but in the end, it is never enough, I am never enough. 

I sit on a bench that stands nearby, trying to collect my thoughts properly, but I can’t control myself, for the tears fun down again, there they are and I cannot stop them, this horrible sentiment of guilt mixed with deception, it is too horrible.

The wind is peaceful and the afternoon sky is beautiful, it helps distract my mind in many ways, but in different circumstances I could possible enjoy it even more. I stand up and prepare to walk, I do not have idea of where I am heading, but then again, I use to not stay anywhere, I would just observe humanity, I would try and comprehend it. 

The circumstance is, I have gotten used to having a bed in which I could sleep, although I do not sleep having the security of being somewhere I could be safe was settling. I guess I can always remember what is what like before I made friends with Dean.

Just as I prepare myself to go somewhere else, my phone rings, a first I believe it could be Dean or Sam, but it turns out to be Claire, I answer immediately.

“Hello, Claire? Is everything alright?”

I can hear her, but she doesn’t answer quite rapidly. 

“Hey Cas, I’m fine I just wanted to know how you are. Dean told me what happened and I got super worried about you, you okay?”

“I am fine Claire, thank you for worrying.”

“Jody and Alex are gonna be gone for at least an hour, could you come over so we can talk?”

I hesitate to answer, what if she too blames me for something, I would not be able to tolerate it any more if Claire also thought wrong of me.

“Please, come over Cas, I’m really worried about you, I know you didn’t mean whatever happened, I believe you.”

She actually believes me, it would be nice for someone to let me explain it without having to be hit by or insulted, besides I do not want Claire being alone at these moments.

“I would very much like that Claire.” I do not know why, but once again I begin crying, and I can tell Claire has noticed.

“Cas, are you crying? Please don’t cry, everything is gonna be ok>.”

I try to sound as normal as possible, “No Claire, I am not crying, I am fine, and will be there in a few minutes.”

“Ok, please hurry.” 

She hangs up, I look at the last ray of sunshine before the sun starts disappearing over the sea.

I just hope Claire can help figure out what to do, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I don’t want to, I just don’t.


	6. Chapter 6

I appear at the front door of Claire’s home, it is strange that I feel this nervous but I am afraid she might think I have done wrong, and that she might think I ruin everything, just like Dean thinks.

I knock at the door, I feel impatient as I wait for Claire to open, last week with her was amazing, and now I feel as if whatever I say in this moment, could in some way affect those feelings of acceptance she has of me.

The door opens and out comes Claire, she hugs me tightly, I battle the tears trying to flow through my eyes, she has been through worse than me, I shouldn’t be another burden.

“C’mon in Cas.” She indicates me.

I follow inside her home, indeed she is alone, which tranquilizes me a bit, this way I don’t have to give Jody any explanations.

“Cas, sit.” Claire tells me as she points to the kitchen chairs, “I’ll make some coffee, do you want some?”

“Yes, I would really appreciate that.”

She nods and heads into the kitchen, I sit down and stay quietly in the chair, I look around trying to find something I can distract my mind with. I then notice that my painting is hung on the wall of the living room, I cannot lie, it makes me warm and happy, I guess she really did like it.

For some reason my nervousness still bothers me, I guess that I am actually afraid of also losing Claire’s trust, I could not go on if I were to lose her, I understand that I am not her real father but, I try my best to protect her and guide her as a father should. 

When she walks through the kitchen door she holds a tray of two coffee cups, she hands one over to me and then sits across me from the table with her own coffee in hand, she blows out the steam and takes a sip, I do this also. Finally she looks up to me and takes a deep breath, I can tell she will begin questioning me, and it makes me very nervous.

“So Cas, tell me what happened, every little detail of why Dean sounded so pissed yet really sorry when he called, and why you were about to cry when I called you. ”

A deep sigh escapes me, I guess I cannot ignore this conversation so I might as well begin. “I tried looking for something to inspire me for my painting, and I thought it would be a good idea to paint Dean’s family picture, but I decided I wanted it to be a surprise, so I avoided telling Dean I took it.”

She looks at me very deeply, I can tell she is analyzing what I have said to her, “Go on.” She tells me without hesitation.

“Dean noticed it was missing and began looking for it throughout the bunker, when he told me I offered to help him find it, although I knew where it was. A few days later I began my art piece and with all the commotion I forgot to look the door to my room, when I reentered it Dean was sitting on the mattress and in his hand he possessed the picture.”

I take a deep breath for the next, it hurts to be reminded how he began punching me, he had done it before but this time I knew I had done something wrong.

“He instantly got up and slammed me against the wall, I blacked out after the first few punches and then when I woke up, Sam…”

“He punched you until you practically fainted?!” Claire interrupted, angry as I have ever seen her.

“He was mad I had taken the picture, I under…”

“No! He had no right to hit you without even letting you explain anything, what kind of a jerk does that?!”

“Claire, please calm down, I am ok.”

“No Cas, you’re not, he hit you, like some kind of abusive father, I can’t believe that guy!”

I get up and hug her, she tries to free from my embrace but eventually stops, I notice she is just standing there, her arms are stiff and her fist are hardened, she is really mad about the incident.

“So is that why you left the bunker, Cas?” She tries to sound as calm as possible, but I know she is rather angry and unsettled. 

I don’t respond immediately, “Cas?” she asks worried.

“No Claire, I left for another reason.”

“What other reason?”

She frees form the hug and looks shyly at me, I tell her to sit down, after that I breathe in slightly, and begin to explain the rest of the occurrence.

“I went and tried to explain everything to Dean, he stopped me and told me that if I approached him anymore he would fight me again, after that I tried apologizing, and he said that I was proving to be disloyal. That is when I became upset, ad asked him if he saw me as some kind of pet or slave, because apparently I was no longer family.”

“He said you weren’t loyal? Like a dog or something?”

“I believe he was just ‘caught in the moment’ as you say.”

“Then what happened after that?”

“I asked if he only saw me useful for my powers, and he said that I wasn’t as strong as before, and before I knew it, I was on top of Dean punching him with such anger that I did not know what was happening. When we finally separated ourselves, I tried apologizing again and he told me to stop that, so I simply told him about the painting, and he began to say he was sorry but I was very hurt Claire. So I left the bunker.”

She is silent, not saying anything, only looking very concentrated at her cup of coffee, her eyes do not show any anger, but they are not calm either, I begin to worry.

“Claire, please say something.”

“I’m sorry Cas, I just can’t believe that guy, you have been constantly manipulated, used, beaten up, and most of that has been for them, and Dean just treats you like something disposable, I don’t know what to say.”

“Claire, it is not Dean’s fault I… I should have never…never had fallen for him, I knew it was wrong and I do not know what occurred.”

“It’s not your fault Cas, you couldn’t have known you would grow these feelings for him, nobody blames you for that, honestly.”

Claire might be right, but I still feel the guilt inside me, I still feel that I am guilty for loving Dean in a way that he will never correspond to me, if I cou8ld I would do anything to erase that feeling of love. Now I know why humans say that love hurts, it really does.

Claire grabs my hand, “Hey, you don’t have to feel guilty of anything ok, guys can be jerks sometimes, I know that.” Her tone sounds suspicious, as if she too was going through what I was.

“Enough about me Claire, how about we speak about how you are doing, did you enter that after school program you wanted?”

“Yeah, I’m starting next Monday, it’s awesome Cas, and my lab partner is really smart.”

“What’s her name?”

“Um, it’s actually a he…”

“Oh. Well what is his name?”

“Eric, he’s super smart, strong, he knows how to use a gun…”

“Claire is he just a lab partner or, is he something more.” I ask patiently, hoping she doesn’t shut me down like the last time.

“I uh, we kind of have a date planned tonight, and I’m not gonna lie Cas, I’m freakin’ nervous.”

I let out a small laugh, it is weird to see Claire seem so vulnerable, but she deserves to love, to feel loved by other, and I am happy for her.

“I am guessing you have protection?”

She spits out her coffee, her face is completely red, “Oh my god, Cas! You should never ask a girl that!” 

“I am sorry Claire, I just worry, you yourself said boys were jerks.”

“Well yeah but Eric’s not like that Cas, and besides I’m taking it slow, I don’t want to rush anything ok?”

“Yes Claire, I believe you.”

Her face is slightly less red, but I still notice her blushing over my questioning, I do not want her to feel interrogated or under pressure, I just don’t want her getting hurt, like me.

The silence is broken when someone knocks at the door, I get up and answer it, to my surprise it is Dean, in his eyes I can see guilt, but I am not willing to accept any words he has to offer, not now at least.

“Hey Cas.” He says in a low soft voice.

“Hello Dean.”

“Can I come in?”

I open the door and indicate him to enter, he greets Claire who answers him in a dry tone, and clearly she is mad at him. I ask him to sit down, he does as told, Claire moves from his side of the table towards mine, it is good to know she does not plan on abandoning me in these moments that are somewhat troubling to me. 

“So Dean, what brings you here?” Claire asks, a harsh tone is noticeable in her voice. 

“I uh, came to apologize to you Cas, I should’ve never said that you were not loyal to me, I got carried away man, I’m sorry.”

“Dean, I know you are, but I cannot accept your apology, for you have shattered everything I believed to be true, you told me a few weeks ago that we were family and suddenly, you talk about me as a dog the bit his owner.”

He faces the floor, he is ashamed and I can tell that he is very sorry, but what I am feeling right now, it makes me feel unsecure, it makes me feel that this will happen again and I would not be able to handle it like I should. 

“C’mon man, I know I screwed things up, I just couldn’t accept that maybe after everything that had gone on, you would be still be able to betray us in any way, and I know I sound like an idiot repeating that, but I’ve lost so many people I care about, and losing you again would kill me dude.”

Claire and I exchange looks, she nods at me and leaves to her room, this is something that Dean and I must handle alone.

“Dean, if I accept your apologies, what assures me that something like this will not happen again, that you will actually see me as family even if I do make mistakes, and not like I am a henchmen to you, one who owes you some kind of contract.”

“Cas buddy, I know I’m a screw up okay? I get that, I just can’t handle thinking that maybe one day you’re just gonna get a chance to go back to heaven and you decide to leave me and Sammy, if I get too attached to you… as a brother how will I go on knowing you’ll just easily leave?”

“Dean I’m not going to leave you or Sam, maybe you sometimes doubt seeing me as family, but I don’t. To me you are my family now, and Claire also, but it is a horrible feeling knowing that you and probably Sam will never actually see me that way.” 

“Man come on,” he grabs my hand, an array of feelings escapes me in that moment, but I try to act as natural as possible, he looks at me kindly, and his hand still grips mine, as much as this is something I desire, it is not easy, not in this moment particularly “I know I hurt you bad, but I swear I can make it up to you, tell me what you need. More paint, you wanna spend more time with Claire? Please answer me Cas.”

“Dean I, it’s going to take some time for me to be able to see you the same way as before, as of right now I find it very struggling to allow myself to forgive you as simply as that.”

“I know dude, and I’m gonna make it up to you, and win your trust back, I promise.” He leads out a smile, it is not forced, it is genuine.

I smile back, although I do so with a certain amount of doubt inside me.

It isn’t until Claire runs in that Dean frees my hand, I had gotten used to its warmth, it felt good, but I know I cannot feel that anymore.

“So, what’s the verdict, do we still like Dean or do we not know him at all?”

“We still like Dean, Claire.”

 

“Fine, but you hurt him one more time and I’ll… I know where you live Winchester.”

Dean takes the threat with actual seriousness, I guess Claire has an effect on him and I’m glad she is on my side.

Suddenly someone knocks at the door, and it is when I notice the way Claire is dressed, it is an actual feminine look, she is actually wearing a dress, something insides me now feels different, like I must meet this young man. One could say it is fatherly instinct. 

I get up and answer the door, a young man stands there, he looks back at me, suddenly Dean is by my side, we both just stare at him as he stares back at us, Claire instantly opens the door, lets him in and introduces us.

“Hey Eric, this is my dad Castiel and Dean, his…”

“Boyfriend?”

Uh oh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna have a fun chase around the city with Cas and Dean watching over Claire, a lot of feely stuff is gonna go on, stay tuned :)


	7. Chapter 7

The awkward silence invaded the room, finally, Dean cleared his throat, and let out a small laugh, “Nah man, Cas here is like my brother, ain’t that right Cassie?”

I simply nod, fake smile towards the young man, I believe it is my fatherly instinct the one that does not allow me to be completely satisfied with the way the young man looks.

He is a young rather attractive man, dark hair with light skin, he wears informal clothing, which seems quite contradictory to what Claire is wearing, a black and purple dress. I then notice she has accompanied it with sneakers, maybe they are not so contrary in their clothing,

“So,” I begin, “I believe you are Eric.”

“That’s right sir, I am here to take Claire out on a date.”

“And approximately what time will she be here?”

I glare strongly at him, and he begins to appear nervous.

“Um, I promise she’ll be here before 11.”

He seems rather promising, but I cannot allow him to see that I am almost completely convinced, I approach him.

“I really hope you stay by that, I wouldn’t want to find myself tracking you down, you know in case you try something unsavory.”

He seems terrified, Claire interrupts the heavy atmosphere, “Alright… dad, that was a good joke, I promise I’ll be back later, so chill.” She says in an insistent way yet laughing at the same time. 

“Don’t worry sir, she’s in good hands.” Eric tries saying calmly.

I accompany them towards his car, then give a short kiss to Claire, “Be good sweetie, or else” I manage to say joking yet harsh, I do not know what is taking control of me, but I feel as if this was something Jimmy would do.

Claire gives me a bad look, almost as if I was exaggerating a bit. Finally they leave.

Dean approaches me, “So, I’m guessin you wanna follow them and make sure he doesn’t get all handsy?” He says speaking as if it were obvious.

“What do you mean Dean?” I ask, sounding maybe too innocent.

“C’mon Cas, you know you don’t trust the guy, and we can both tell he plans on getting laid tonight. I was a horny teenager man, I know that look, and the way he spoke was definitely from a guy who’s plans on getting some action were somewhat troubled by a threatening dad.”

I really didn’t feel comfortable with spying on Claire, but I know Jimmy would not want any jerk harming her, and neither would I. 

I want to say yes to Dean, but in that very moment, I remember the occurrences of earlier, it’s still a bit hard. But I want to fix the problems between us, I want him to feel like he can actually trust me, and I need to feel that I can trust him.

“Dean,” he looks at me, “Prepare baby, we’re following that horny teenager.”

“Hell yeah!” Dean shouts out loud.

We head towards the car, Dean starts the engine and within minutes we are on the road, heavy music plays out loud, and I honestly enjoy it, it feels exciting, I guess having someone to protect, is something I truly enjoy, in some way it gives me a purpose.

“So, how are we gonna track her down?” Dean asks.

“Well I can pick up her location with my grace, thankfully she isn’t warded.” 

“Well, let’s get to it.”

Dean goes faster, the adrenaline invades us and our tense moments from earlier have suddenly just vanished, he is my weakness, there is no doubt in that. I could forgive for the worst things, and that is where my fear of getting hurt resides. 

“So, where is your sweet little daughter?” Dean asks, part of him mocking, but the other sounding like he actually believes Claire to be my daughter.

“Make a right on the next block.”

Dean does as told, and we instantly spot what we are looking for, Eric’s car parked outside of a theater. There date must be going to watch a movie, I’m glad it wasn’t something overly private, like a motel or something in that matter.

We both get out of the car, I sense Claire, she is inside with Eric, and they are watching something called Zootopia, a very strange name.

Dean approaches me, “Aright, how we gonna do this? Just go in and punch the shit out the little fucker? Or we kidnap Claire when she’s distracted?”

“Dean, we are not going to do any of those things, we will simply keep an eye out for her. Make sure Eric does not try and go anywhere further with Claire.”

“If he does?”

“Then you can punch the shit out of him.”

“Hell yeah, I always wanted to feel what it was like to be a protective father, you know, taking care of my kids.”

A simple confession, but a strong one, Dean has always wanted to have children, yet this profession, it rarely allows it. My mind is suddenly flooded with the images of Dean crying, it was that moment when he made me erase Lisa and Ben’s memory, he wanted them to forget him, everything about him. 

I now understand how truly painful that was for him. I guess I forget what everyone in this family has gone through, none of us have had it easy.

“Alright then Cas, let’s get into protective mode.”

Dean puts on his leather jacket and heads with me into the theater, we decide the best way to enter is by sneaking in, that is until we see the guards at each door. It is clear we will have to pay our entrances to these movies.

“Two tickets to Zootopia, please.” Dean tells the woman at the booth.

“Yes sir, that’ll be 19 dollars.”

Dean hands her the money and she gives him the tickets, she gives him a sweet smile, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me jealous.

“Ok let’s go check on Claire.” I say to him.

“Dude, wait.” He grabs hold of my wrist, “what about popcorn and sodas?” He says almost innocently.

“Dean, we are not here on any type of date, we are here to check on Claire.”

“C’mon man, you’re gonna regret not eating any popcorn, can I at least buy some for me?”

I stare at him for a moment, maybe I should not try being so hard on him, “Alright, but be quick.”

He pulls me with him, seems like a childish man, we form in line and thankfully it’s almost empty. I do not worry about Claire seeing us, because I sense she is already inside the projection room, now we have to make it in without her seeing us.

“Welcome to the Preston Theater, what can I get you two?” The lady attending the food court asks us.

“Well, I want two chilidogs, a bucket of popcorn, and a large Coke, and you Cas?”

“I guess I’ll just share with you.” I say, without noticing how strange it sounded.

“Well this is all warrior food, sure I can share, but you sure you don’t want anything?”

“Um, I want a large set of fries.” I answer

“Perfect, and for your choice of drink?”

“Or you wanna share that with me Cassie?” Dean asks in a mocking way.

“Well of course a couple like you would share,” the lady says, “I’ll put you up for the mega bucket, it’s an enormous size coke for loving couples like you to share.” She says smiling.

We try to protest but the lady has already set us up, indeed the coke is huge, thankfully for Dean I can lift almost anything. 

The lady gives us a tender smile, she really does believe we are couple, I wish we were…

The movie has already started, thankfully for us Claire is distracted with it so she cannot see us entering. 

We find a pair of empty seats, a place where we can keep an eye on her, without either her or Eric being able to see us, I hope.

It is strange, but Eric rarely tries anything to touch Claire more than he is permitted, it seems he is a rather decent teenager, on the other hand, Dean has become a complete sloppy one. He is eating with his mouth open and laughing out loud, telling me to cheer up a bit. 

I guess he is right, after all, we are not going to do anything unless Eric does something stupid, which for his sake, I hope he does not.

I enjoy the movie, it is rather appealing, although I have my issues when the little lamb betrays the meat eaters, they were all at peace and she just wants to ruin it. It would present a bigger issue for me, but the fact that Dean and I are sharing food is really distracting me, in the best way possible that is.

I reached out for the coke, and he passed it graciously, “Here you go honey.” He says in a teasing manner, but he doesn’t know I actually enjoy it, I would like to kiss him on the cheek as part of his joke, but I might not be able to resist myself, my lips might insist on searching for more.

Finally the movie ends, and both Dean and I exit first, so we can get into our car and follow Eric’s. Once inside I notice Dean has chili all over his face, he truly is one sloppy teenager.

“What?” He asks as he catches me staring.

“You have chili all over your face” I say.

“Where, here?” He tries cleaning it off, but misses completely, instead he is making it worse.

“No, on the other side.” I say trying to help, but it is useless. “Wait, allow me.”

Once again my impulses take control over me, with my thumb I gently clean the chili off his lips, and Dean seems a if confused as to what is happening. I simply separate myself and clean my thumb with a napkin I have found.

“There, it’s clean.” 

“Uhh, thanks man.” He says.

The silence and the tension are fortunately broken when we spot Eric ad Claire coming out of the theater, he holds her hand and she smiles. It is always warm to see Claire smile, to know she is ok, with everything that has happened lately, I’m glad she can find moments of happiness.

“She seems happy.” I tell Dean.

“I know man, it’s nice seeing her smile for a change.” 

“Let’s just make sure Eric keeps her smiling and doesn’t hurt her.” I say in harsh tone.

Dean huffs out a small laugh. 

“What is so funny?”

“I don’t know man, it’s juts… it’s nice to see you worry over Claire.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve had a lot on your mind lately, you know with everything going on. I guess it’s just nice seein ya have something else on your mind besides painting, you know to distract you.”

I blush at the comment, Dean really means it, and I’m glad he does.

“They’re heading out.” Dean alerts me.

We simply ignite the car, and wait until they are out of site, that way they will notice our presence.

We follow them for about 5 minutes, and find them parking outside of a fast food restaurant.

Dean lets out a small laugh, “First a movie, and now dinner, yep, this guy is planning on getting some alone time with Claire.”

The way Dean says it, does not give me peace, I know it is not uncommon for teenagers to have sexual intercourse on dates, but it is not just any teenager, it’s Claire. I know Jimmy wouldn’t want any young man trying to take advantage over her, I do not want that to happen either.

We get out of the car and head into the establishment, Dean signals me to follow him around the counter, we sit at a table where we cannot be seen, trying to watch out over Claire.

“Hey there fellas, welcome to Hell’s Grill, what can I get you two?” A young blonde waitress asks us.

“Well I wouldn’t mind a number from you.” Dean says so ever charming as always.

“Ok, hold your horses there hun, I don’t think it’s right you doing that in front of your boyfriend here.”

Dean starts to cough exhaustedly, I simply blush.

“We are not a couple, he is my brother, practically” I say calmly.

“Oh my god, I am truly sorry, I did not know that.”

“It is alright.”

“No, no, allow me to make it up to you, with some of our delicious grilled Hell fire burgers, the best in town, on the house.”

“We’ll take it.” Dean says out loud.

I tell him to be quiet, Claire could hear us and if she does, well I do not want to imagine what she would say to me.

A few minutes pass by, and Claire and Eric are laughing and eating calmly, I can actually feel that Eris is not trying anything else, he seems to actually be interested in Claire, and she seems happy.

Dean and I eat our burgers in peace, it is a fun meal for us too, he starts telling me about the time Sam threw up on a girl he was trying to conquer, I am guessing Sam would hurt Dean if he ever knew he told me.

“So..” he begins, “When do you plan on finishing your masterpiece.”

I simply stare at him for a moment, “I am not sure I will continue with that, Dean.”

He looks shocked, “What? Dude, you can’t give up now, you were so close.”

“That is true, but I do believe I have done more damage with it than I have done good.”

“No you haven’t…” Dean begins.

“Actually Dean…”

“Look man, I know I screwed up, I should have never thought wrong of…” he grabs my hand tightly, “but c’mon, you’re so freaking talented, you can’t give up on that.”

I do not speak, I simply stare at the table, where our hands meet, it is so comfortable.

“Listen Cas, I’m a horrible person, I get that alright? But you need to know that when I told Sam what you were planning on painting, he lit up like I had never seen, and so did I. It’s the best thing anyone has ever done for us.”

I look up to him, his face shows so much sincerity, I cannot help but fight back the tears, I guess I was on the verge of creating something amazing, and I abandoned it, yet again.

“Please continue it Cas, if not for me, do it for Sammy, more importantly, do it for yourself.”

I place my other hand over his, “Ok Dean, I will finish it.” I wish I could just kiss him right now, make my pain and his disappear, if only.

The waitress comes back, Dean retires his hand, she simply smiles.

“Anything else I can get you two ‘brothers’?” She really puts emphasis on the brothers’ part.

I sense Claire and Eric leaving the restaurant. “That will be all, thank you very much.”

We pay for the drinks and then head out to the car, they have already left, we hurry up to the car, and leave at once. It feels like a police chase and not much as a simple watch over, but it is very entertaining watching Dean get excited.

Eric is now taking Claire outside of town, and I am beginning to worry, if I have learned anything from those angst teenage movies, it is that when teenagers go up to a cliff side or out of a town, it’s with the clear intention of fornicating, and then of course something always attacks them. I am hoping neither of those things happens. 

We follow them carefully, until they enter what seems like an open entrance in the middle of the forest, and that is when my worst fear comes to life, he is taking her somewhere well they will be alone, under the stars, he is definitely trying to sleep with Claire.

“Dean, after them.” I command

“Whoa, calm down buddy, we don’t know for sure if he’s gonna make a move, let’s stay on their tracks and just watch ok?”

“And if he does?”

“Well, then you can take care of it. Although…”

“What is it Dean?”

He seems a bit nervous, “Have you considered that Claire might actually want to do it?”

“Do not say idiotic statements, she is too young…” 

Dean starts laughing, and for a moment he just shakes his head.

“What is wrong with you Dean?” I ask furiously.

“It’s just, you sound pretty freakin adorable man, worrying ‘bout your daughter.”

I cannot help but stay silent, I blush furiously in my spot and Dean keeps on laughing. He finally stops and begins to speak up, “Alright, what we’re gonna do is, we get out of the car and follow them by foot, cause if they hear the engine, they’ll know something’s up.”

“Fine.”

We get out of the car and follow the road, we locate the car and hide behind a tree near it.

I listen to their conversation, very closely.

“So, now that we’re alone, you gonna tell me?”

“Well truth is, Dean’s not really into my dad, he is into girls.”

“No way, the way they look at each other, I mean c’mon, I only saw them for like 3 minutes, and boy, were they eye fucking the whole time.”

“Oh my god Eric! That’s my dad you’re talking about.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know it’s just… my dad’s been through a lot, I want him to be happy, you know?”

Eric hugs her tightly, “Hey, I know, but you’ve gone through a lot as well, you’ve lost your mom, and you don’t even live with your dad, you need to stop worrying about others and give some time to you.”

She smiles so innocently, “I love you Eric.”

“I love you more Claire.”

I realize that this was a wrong idea, she needs her privacy, and she needs to live a life, far from everything that haunts me and the Winchesters.

“Everything alright Cas?” Dean asks I head downhill.

“She’ll be alright, Dean, I’m sure she will.”

Dean is about to say something when suddenly, a ray of light flashes at us.

“Hold it right there you two!”

Oh great, does anything ever go well for us?


	8. Chapter 8

We are instantly frozen in our place, Dean looks at me and I look at him, it is weird how something as simple as a flashlight startles us, when we fight God’s sister on a regular basis, but we are not actually prepared for any situation today.

“Who are you two and what are you doing out here?” The voice demands, it seems to be a very angry woman.

“Well you see ma’am…” Dean begins, but he can’t really finish, “We are, we are…”

Suddenly we here what sounds like a rifle being prepared for shooting, “You two better speak up if you don’t want a hole in your chest.”

“Uh right, well you see, Cas and I here are a…”

“A what?” The woman is getting impatient.

“A couple.” I say out loud, I freeze myself, I cannot believe I have said that.

“You are?” The voice asks.

“We are?” Dean asks, I give him a harsh look, “Yes, YES! Cas and I are a couple.” He grabs my hand and pulls me in for a hug, “We were just you know, having a midnight walk, celebrating our…”

“Engagement.” Again I speak out of nowhere.

“Exactly, you see, I just recently proposed to my boyfriend here, and we’re getting married.” Dean says overexcitedly.

It was only a minute of silence, but it felt like an eternity, I sense the woman simply analyzing us and our story.

“Well, I’ll be, why didn’t you say it sooner. “ The woman lowers the flashlight and the rifle, she approaches us, she is an older woman in her mid-40’s, somewhat chubby, yet with a tender smile. “Why congratulations!” she hugs us both. “I’m sorry I almost shot you, but with all these crazy kids coming to make out, there’s lot of vandals.”

“We understand, you’re just being careful.” Dean says, trying to sound sympathetic.

“So anyways, tell me about yourselves, how’d you meet.”

“It is actually quite complicated…” I begin.

“Cassie here saved my life, and ever since then, we’ve been falling in love, day by day ever since.”

He looks so sweet at me, he wraps himself around and hugs me from behind, I do not know how to properly react, so I smile, it is the most sincere smile I have ever given.

“Well, you two just seem so perfect for each other, and what is it you do?”

“I’m a mechanic, Cas is a painter, the best one around I might add, ain’t that right honey.” He kisses me on the cheek, I believe that Dean wants to see me killed by my emotions, if he keeps this up, nothing will prevent me from kissing him passionately. On the other hand... he should keep this up. 

“Oh my stars, I’m also a painter, in fact, I give an art class down at the community center, and it’s all about artistic couples, why don’t you two tag along tomorrow, I’d love to see your work.”

“Oh well, I don’t think we could, Cas is the artist but he’s always busy, and I’m…”

“We would love to go!” I shout with excitement, I cannot deny the idea being amazing, and going as a couple with Dean… there is no probability that tonight could be ruined.

A familiar voice interrupts us, “Dad?” it is Claire, she approaches us with Eric, who has a huge grin on his face, maybe I’m wrong.

“Told you.” He says, as he observes the way Dean is hugging me.

“Claire bear.” I say happily, parting myself from Dean in order to hug her.

“Hi daddy, what’s going on?” She asks suspiciously.

“Your dad and I are celebrating our engagement.” Dean says.

Claire looks strangely at both of us, she is confused, she then looks over at the woman, noticing the rifle in her hand. Claire then realizes something and looks oddly at us, she knows we were spying on her, and I can tell she is about to take revenge on us.

“My dad is getting married!” She yells overexcitedly, she runs at us and hugs us both, then simply whispering into our pressed ears, “You are so gonna pay for spying on me.” 

Eric approaches us too, he simply shakes Dean’s hand, and mine, “Like brothers huh?” Dean just blushes and I just smile. 

“Why hello! I’m Claire, Castiel’s daughter, and Dean’s future daughter-in-law!” Claire says to the woman.

“Nice to meet you Claire, I’m Betty.” So that’s the woman’s name, I just realize she did not tell us.

“Well it’s great to meet you Betty, you a friend of my dad’s or his husband to be?”

“No, I found them wondering around, thought they were vandals, you know one can never be too careful.”

“Oh, I understand Betty.” Claire said, giving us an evil look. It was clear we would be paying for this, in ways we would never forget.

I now realize Claire has always had somewhat of a vengeful side, but I do not possess knowledge of what she might do when wanting to plot something against someone, just for the fun of it. 

“Anyways, I was telling your dad and his boyfriend here, sorry, I mean husband to be, if they’d like to come over to the community center tomorrow for some paint sessions. I’m an artist just like your dad.”

“Are you kidding? Of course they’d love to go! Art is my dad’s passion, and I’m sure Dean would love to be there, wouldn’t you, future daddy-in-law.”

Dean gives Claire a subtle yet threatening look, “Of course, Claire Bear, you know I’ll do anything to make your father happy.”

Claire’s eyes lit up, uh oh, it seems that this was not Dean’s most thought out speech.

“Kiss him!” She yells out, “C’mon, kiss your husband to be!”

“Yeah Mr. Dean, Kiss Claire’s dad… I swear that just sounded weird.” Eric said with a confused expression.

Betty simply giggled, she too was hoping to see us kiss.

“Uh well…” Dean began.

“KISS, KISS, KISS!!” They all chanted together, Dean was more nervous than ever, and I do not enjoy watching him this way.

He faces me, I see the nervousness in his eyes, he is beginning to sweat, I know he does not want to take part in this, and I will not allow him to do something he does not desire.

“Wait a minute!!” I Say out loud, shutting down the small crowd, “Eric, I was pretty sure you promised me you were taking Claire out on a date.” It is the only thing I can think of right now, and although the idea of kissing Dean is arousing for me, I cannot put him in that type of position.

“Yes, sir.” The young man responded, a small grin on his face.

“Tell me, Eric, what kind of date involves you bringing my daughter up here, away from town and all by yourselves?” I ask with anger in my voice, it is not just to avoid the awkward situation with Dean, but honestly, why did this young man bring Claire here?

“Well sir, I uh… I…”

“I hope you are planning on taking her home this instant, because I do not plan on warning you again, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes! That is exactly what I was going to do, sir.”

“Dad!” Claire begins protesting.

“Claire, do not argue with me right now!”

“What? Excuse me, but you were the one who was…” she trails off.

“Who was what Claire?” I ask angrily.

“Nothing… Eric, take me home.” She keeps her head down, I feel miserable all of a sudden, I have harmed her trust again, I am simply a terrible father figure.

She walks away and I try to stop her, “Claire I…” Dean grabs a hold of me, “Dean…”

“It’s best if we let her go, she’s not in the mood babe, don’t wanna make things worse.”

I simply stand still, I watch Claire leave, Eric behind her, both of them just leave quietly, it makes me feel horrible.

“I’m truly sorry, it if it weren’t for me barging in on you two, this would’ve never happened.” Betty said, apologizing.

“No... it wasn’t your fault Betty, Claire is a teenager and she’s in a difficult faze, you know, mood swings and all that crap.” Dean says.

“Well, I guess so.”

Both Dean and Betty look at me, but I do not react, for I cannot ignore the fact that I keep on hurting Claire, that I am the cause of her problems, I say I want to protect her, but what am I really doing? I harm her, that is all I know how to do. I am truly distracted, for I do not notice Dean’s hand holding mine, squeezing it tightly.

“Babe…” he says kindly.

“I’m alright Dean.”

“You boys don’t have to come tomorrow to the art class, I’ve done enough to ruin your engagement as it is.” Betty says, an expression of despair and sadness roams her face.

“No, we’re definitely going, right Cas?”

“Dean, if you do not want to…”

“Nonsense, you love painting, and I love you… we’re going, and that’s that.” He plants a kiss on my cheek, a short yet completely enjoyable kiss.

“We will see you tomorrow Betty.” Dean says happily, he guides me through the path, his hand still holding mine, I say my goodbyes to Betty, and after that I simply keep quiet until we reach the Impala. The ride towards Officer Judy’s house is silent, nothing but the music from the radio fills the air.

We finally arrive, I slowly get out of the vehicle, but then out of nowhere, I lose my senses, I cannot confront Claire now, it would be too painful for the both us. So before Dean can say anything, I teleport us with the Impala back to the bunker garage.

“Cas, what the hell?” Dean asks surprised.

“I am sorry Dean, I could not speak to Claire, not now.”

“You okay, Babe.”

I simply chuckle, he is still calling me like that, and I enjoy it.

“You do not have to call me Babe anymore Dean, Betty is not around.”

He smiles shyly, “Sorry man, it’s just, she threatened us with a damn rifle, and ever since Billie said she’d make sure both Sam and I stay dead if anything happened to us, I panicked. Guess now I gotta pretend to be your hubby.”

“Dean, you do not have to go through this, it is just a simple painting class, I do not mind missing it.”

“You kiddin me? Now I want to go, Betty seems bad ass, it’ll be fun babe, honey, sweetie.”

All I can do is blush, his teasing becomes appealing to me, I should have followed the crowd and gave him a kiss when I had the chance, hopefully tomorrow I will get the opportunity.

“Well, honey, I guess I will see you tomorrow, you should rest.”

“You’re leaving?” Dean asks impatiently.

“I am going to finish the painting I was making for both you and Sam, I should go on and get it finished.”

His expression is full of guiltiness, “Dude, I’m sorry about what happened, I didn’t mean any of it, I just…”

“Dean, I understand, you can stop apologizing now. You have gained my trust again.”

“Don’t lie man, I know you still doubt me, just like I doubted you… seriously Cas, forgive me.”

“Babe, you know I do.” We both laugh out loud, it is an amazing feeling of joyfulness, he interprets it as a game, but I actually wish it was reality.

“I hope you sort things out with Claire, you’ve never done harm to her Cas, you’ve always tried protecting her, and tonight was no different from that, you truly love her like she’s your kid, and she knows that.” And with that Dean leaves the garage and heads into the bunker, I simply stay there and analyze the situation, I guess Dean could be right, but then again, most of the things he has said or done tonight are all because of his feelings of guilt. He is simply redeeming his errors, nothing else. 

Yet, I will not deny I feel somewhat joyful, tonight Dean said he loved me, I realize it was only because he was acting, but… he said it none the less, and hearing it come from his mouth, actually being his words, I cannot hide the grin plastered on my face. It was not a terrible evening, although kissing him would have made it better.

I direct myself towards my room, looking for what was once supposed to be my great work of art, and there it is, still hidden perfectly, the painting that was intended for Sam and Dean, I cannot unveil it without feeling nostalgic. My mind taunts me, it begs me to finish the painting, but cannot do it, for as much as I try, it brings me the painful memory from earlier. But I must be strong, tomorrow is another day, and it will be a good day, sharing it with Dean, he is my husband after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like the painting class is gonna be fun, wouldn´t it be even more fun if the class suddenly was missing a nude male model?


	9. Chapter 9

Morning arrived about 4 hours ago, but it seems the Winchesters do not plan on getting up early, so I wander around the bunker, I have memorized every inch of it at this point, yet there is always something new to discover, there is always a new book to read, a new artifact found by the brothers on their hunts, it makes things interesting.

Today however, there seems to be nothing new, everything is in its place, everything is without change, quite boring to be honest. It makes the morning tedious, I wish to find something interesting to do, but nothing new appears, and although I could finish my painting, I decide not to.

The brothers finally awake around noon, I try not to seem anxious, but I cannot deny how excited I am to visit this art class, it was maybe the only thing that kept my mind busy last night, it simply claimed all my attention.

Both of the brothers enter the kitchen, they still seem tired and exhausted. 

“Morning Cas.” Dean says cheerfully at me

“Good morning, Dean. Can I interest you or Sam in some coffee?” I try to sound as normal as possible.

“Wow, you made coffee, Cas?” Sam asks

“Indeed I did, Sam.”

Both of the brothers pour themselves some coffee into their mugs, they seem pleased at the taste of the coffee I prepared.

“Cas, this is actually very good and tasty.” Sam expresses.

“Wow, you sure are one hell of a husband.” Dean says expressing joy, I simply blush.

“What?” Sam asks, baffled.

“Oh right, Sammy, last night while we were spying on Claire, this old lady attacked us, so we pretended to be a couple to avoid her leaving huge holes in our bodies. Now, I promised Cas I’d take him to this art class thingy, seems lame, but he likes it so…”

“Hold up a sec, you and Cas? Dude, what on earth were you thinking? And, spying on Claire? Seriously, Cas?” Sam’s questions are quite direct and menacing. 

“I am sorry this confuses you Sam, but we could not allow that Betty killed your brother, Billie did threaten you after all, remember?”

Sam didn’t answer me, I guess this question was somewhat uncomfortable for him to talk about, and he did have his reasons to fear, this reaper was not playing around.

“Anyway, Cas and I are gonna go to art class. And we’re gonna have one hell of an afternoon, aint that right Cassie?”

“Yes, Dean. I do hope we enjoy this afternoon.”

“So wait, you guys are like married?” Sam asks.

“Well, we’re more like… engaged.” Dean says.

“OH… well…. Congratulations.”

“Shut up, Sammy!” Dean yells.

“And where are your wedding rings?”

“Dude, stop. Cas and I aren’t actually engaged, you get that right?” Dean asks insistently.

“Well, yeah but, these people don’t know that. Hold up a sec.” 

Sam exists the kitchen rapidly, both Dean and I stare at each other in confusement, we do not understand Sam’s instant behavior. A few minutes later, and he is back, he hides something in his hand.

“So, I’ve got a surprise for you two.” 

“What are you scheming now, Samantha?” Dean asks angrily.

“I’m not scheming anything, I’m gonna help you guys,” He extends his hand, “Here, take these.” He opens his hand to reveal a pair of silver rings, they are very beautiful and seem to be expensive.

“Dude, where did you get these? Dean asks.

“I was gonna give one to Eileen, but, I don’t think we’re there yet.”

“You’re screwing Eileen?” Dean burst out.

“Dude, she’s not just a one night stand, I wanna... you know… actually have something, like you and Cas.” He smirks.

“Shut up, Bitch.”

“You shut it, jerk. Here, take them.”

Dean takes both of the silver rings from Sam’s hand, he places one on before handing me the other. He doesn’t give it to me, instead, he gets on one knee.

“Castiel, would you do me the honor of being shotgun by my side for the rest of my life?”

I laugh nervously, I understand that it is merely a joke, but it is joke I wish would come true, and this is the close I will get to that.

“Yes, Dean, I would love that.”

He places the ring on my finger, just like the couples in romantic films, it feels wonderful. Sam pretends to wipe tears from his eyes, and Dean simply laughs, I do too.

“Alright, enough chic-flick moments, let’s get our grub on, how’s hamburgers sound?”

“Hamburgers for breakfast, you crazy?” Sam asks.

“Well it is past noon, Sam, so technically it would count as brunch.” I clarify.

“See, the perfect husband, always stickin by his man’s side.” Dean jokes around as he slaps my back. 

I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy every part of this.

“Fine, hamburgers sound nice to me,” Sam says. “But, don’t forget, I like mine vegan.”

Dean simply gives Sam a face of unnaproval, but eventually just sighs, “Alright then, lets head out.”

As we approach the impala, I begin thinking about the art class again, I am only a few hours of having contact with other artists, and if that were not good enough, I will be presented as Dean’s husband, and the rings on our fingers are of proof of that. It may be just pretend, but I try cherishing it as if it were real, because for me it is real, although if it were real for us both, then it would be completely amazing.

Sam opens the shotgun seat door, and I find myself stopping him, “Hold up Sam, I get to ride shot gun,” I do not say anything else, I just get in. I overhear Dean laughing loudly, and Sam just looks confused.

“Sorry Sam, but Cas Winchester over here gets shotgun today, he is my Mrs. after all.” He laughs out loud, Sam simply enters the backseat, but he still seems confused.

Cas Winchester… It sounds so beautiful, it just fits, I wonder what it will sound like when people ask Dean for my full name… Castiel Winchester. The name makes me shiver, it really does.

The road for the hamburger joint is everything but silent, “Sweet Caroline” plays out loudly, and both the brothers sing along, I just laugh and smile at the brothers, they are quite the duo.

We finally arrive, the hamburgers seem delicious, although I clearly cannot taste anything but particles, both Sam and Dean express true satisfaction with the flavor. 

After we finish, we head back to the bunker, it is around two in the afternoon, which means only two more hours until Betty’s art class begins, I feel impatient, I wish time would just go by, although I possess the power to visit the future, I do not wish to rush anything.

I spend the rest of my afternoon painting in the living room, I make an exact replica of the Mona Lisa, I am proud of it, but I wish I had the energy to finish the painting I had begun for the Winchesters, although that will have to wait.

“Alright, it’s time to go to art school babe, pack your backpack and let’s get learnin.” Dean says entering the living room.

I am confused suddenly, “My backpack?”

“Yeah, your stuff… for the class.”

“OH, right.”

I instantly pack my pastels, water colors and a small canvas; I hope that they are good enough for Betty’s class.

“Perfect let’s head…” he pauses and looks at me “you gonna transport us there with baby, or what’s the plan?” Dean asks.

“I don’t want to raise suspicions, so we will take the Impala with us.”

 

Dean simply nods and heads for the garage, I follow him quietly, when we reach the garage we simply put all our belongings inside, from one second to another we stand in front of Judy’s home.

“Cas, this isn’t the community center.” Dean scolds.

“I know Dean, but I must at least check up on Claire, after you know… last night.”

Dean only nods.

I rush over to the front door, as I knock, I feel a mixture of guilt and fear, Claire’s reaction will affect me more than what I can confess, but I must speak with her, I need to apologize.

The door opens, it is not Claire, but Alex who responds, she slightly smiles as she sees me.

“Hi, Cas.” She says smiling.

“Hello Alex, is… Claire… home?”

“She’s in her room, but she’s really pissed, she won’t tell me what happened, big surprise, but this time it seems more serious. Wanna tell me what happened, cause I’m sure you’re here for a reason, and it involves whatever the hell’s going on with her today.”

“Indeed I am, may I come in?”

“Sure, go ahead.” She allows me in, and simply gives me a sorry look, as she heads into the living room.

I knock once on the door, then I simply enter, Claire is lying down with her back facing me, she clearly isn’t in any mood to talk with anyone.

“Claire?” 

“Get out of here.”

“Claire, I’m sorry about everything that has happened, it was not my intention to spy on you, I simply worried about Eric’s intentions and…”

“Eric’s intentions? Cas, what would you know about that, you know nothing about him or anything about teenagers, how can you even have an opinion about it?”

“Claire, I did not mean to…”

“You never mean anything, Cas! Just go!” She rested herself against the bed, giving me the cold shoulder, it destroys me inside.

I leave the house, I enter the impala furiously and before Dean can say anything, we are back in the bunker.

“Cas, what the hell?” Dean asks surprised.

“Thank you for everything Dean, but I am no longer in the mood for any art class.”

As I try exiting the Impala, Dean stops me, “Cas, you’re not going anywhere.” 

“Dean, please let go of me, I do not wish to hurt you.”

“Well then you’re gonna have to beat the crap out of me, cause I’m not letting go.”

“Dean…”

“Cas, please! I know you probably got shot down by Claire, but I mean c’mon man, she’s a freaking teenager, they don’t know what the hell they want in life, or how to treat people.”

Silence, that is all that fills the Impala, Dean does not say anything else, I simply observe the floor, my hands tremble at the feeling of impotence, at the sensation of weakness, I cannot do anything right for anyone, why do I only bring harm?

“Cas?” Dean places his hand over mine, just like the last time I stayed in a sort of trance, “Buddy, c’mon, you know you want this art thing more than anything in the world right now. Don’t give up on it just yet, remember, do this for yourself.”

I look at him directly into his eyes, they are sincere words, sincere motions, he really wishes me well, I can appreciate that.

“Alright, we shall go.” I say trying to sound optimistic.

“Great!”

I teleport us back to the front of the community center, truly part of me is still very excited over this, I desire to learn as much as possible.

As soon as we exit the car, Dean approaches me and grabs my hand, I simply look at him.

“We’re supposed to be a couple, remember? C’mon Mrs. Winchester.”

I blush silently, I keep on forgetting we are supposed to be a couple in front of other people, it is still very surreal to me.

We walk into the community center, we decide to ask at the receptionist where we can find Betty’s art class, but a familiar voice halts us from doing so. We turn around to face Betty, she is grinning quite widely.

She approaches with such joy, “I’m so glad you boys could make it.” She hugs both me and Dean cheerfully, her face simply lit up the moment she sees the rings on our finger. “Well I’ll be dammed, those are a beautiful pair of engagement rings.”

“Thanks Betty, I had thought about buying them in sapphire blue, you know, to match Cas’ eyes.”

I can feel my face turning completely red, Dean keeps making statements that make me feel something unique, something I have never really felt, if he continues with this behavior, I might end up actually pushing him against the Impala and kissing him until we are both left without air in our lungs, it is a pleasant scenario in my mind.

“Oh, you two are just such an adorable couple, I’m so glad you’re here today. Well, let’s not waste more time, follow me.”

As we follow, I notice every room we pass has something occurring, dancing, theater, storytelling, such a variety of arts, it must be pleasant to work at an establishment like this every day.

Betty opens the door to our right, inside is a white colored room, surrounded by painting, art materials, and an enormous window with a beautiful view of the garden. In the center of the room, there are a group of people sitting in chairs, forming a circle around what seems to be a pedestal.

“Hi everyone, this is Castiel and his husband to be, Dean.” Betty introduces us.

An old couple approaches us first, “Why hello there, my name is Carl, and this beauty here is my wife of a life time Christine.” The lady blushes.

“Oh Carl, stop that. It is nice meeting you boys.” She smiles and then speaks up, as if realizing something. “Well gosh, Betty told me you two were handsome and in love, but she truly didn’t say you two were models.” She teased.

“Not models Christine, just in love.” Dean says as he kisses my forehead.

“It is our pleasure meeting you two.” I tell the old couple, they all smile and head to their chairs.

A young teenager approaches us, she seems to be around 16, and very sweet for what I can observe.

“Hi, I’m Stephanie, it is a pleasure meeting you.”

“The pleasure is our Stephanie, I am Castiel and this is Dean.”

“Yes, Betty talked to us about you, and tell me how did you two meet?”

“Oh well, Cas here, saved my life.”

“Wow really? What happened?” The teenager asked anxiously.

Dean stared at me ever so sweetly, “Well, let’s just say he gripped me tight and… raised me from perdition.”

Stephanie simply smiled at us, “That sounds so beautiful, just from watching you two, I can tell the love is everywhere.” 

Dean simply laughs, I blush at the young teenager’s comment, it sounds so true, but it feels horrible knowing it isn’t real.

After speaking to a variety of couples, young and old, we finally sit down, Dean sits behind me, smiling and playing with my hair as we wait for instructions. It feels so perfect.

“Dude, do you have lice?” Of course Dean being the adult teenager he is, changes this moment from something romantic to simple Winchester manner.

Betty has been outside for quite a while, she apparently had something special planned, but it seems strange she has taken so long, she finally enters the room, a frown plastered on her face, “I’m sorry guys, for today’s class, I was thinking of inspiring us on Michelangelo’s ‘David’, I hired a male model to pose nude for us so we could recreate the male body with pastels, but it seems he won’t be able to make it.”

Everyone is completely disappointed at this, I must admit I am too, I believe my enjoyable afternoon has been annulled. Dean must have noticed my disappointment, because he instantly places a hand over my shoulder, “I’m sorry buddy, but don’t sweat it, we’ll come back tomorrow.” 

His words are kind, but they are not what I wished would happen, I was quite anxious for learning much more today, though it seems that is quite impossible. 

Everyone seems to be discussing about alternatives, they hope to find a young man who would like to pose for the class, truly I hope someone appears. 

As they speak, I notice they keep staring at us and murmuring, I could listen to their conversation, but Dean distracts me as he plays with my hair, he truly is keeping up his part as my fiancé.

Betty approaches us somewhat cautiously, “Boys, I uh, wanted to ask something.”

Both Dean and I are confused, but for some reason we both seem to know what it is.

“Well, as you know, the class cannot take place if there isn’t a model, so… I was hoping if maybe, you could pose for us Dean…”

Dean doesn’t answer instantly, he takes his time, finally speaking up “Oh, I uh, I’m not so sure, see I…” e begins pointing at his body.

Betty interrupts him, “Oh, you have body issues, I’m so sorry, Cas would you…”

“No wait, I uh, it’s not body issues, I just… you know… being in front of a crowd…”

“Oh I understand dear, would be it be ok if I asked Cas for the favor.”

Before I can answer anything, Dean interrupts, “No, I’ll uh… I’ll do it.”

“Dean…” I begin.

“C’mon Cas, it’ll be fun.” He smiles, but I can interpret it as fake.

A few minutes after and we both find ourselves inside the changing room, all Betty has given me is a robe, it will be the only thing Dean will be wearing as he enters the art room, the only thing, I shake my head, I cannot have any type of strange thought, it would be wrong. 

Dean paces around the room, he is quite nervous, I wish to ease his nervousness.

“Dean, you do not have to do this if you do not wish to.”

“Cas, don’t worry, I’m just, you know, I have stage fright.”

“I am pretty sure you will look quite amazing without your clothing.” I tease.

“Thanks man, just don’t stare too much, I mean, we won’t be seeing these people ever again after this, but you and I well…”

“I understand perfectly Dean, do not worry, I will not stare.”

“Thanks” 

Dean does not wait for me to leave, he is undressing in front of me, something begins swirling inside my stomach, a weird sensation, something I have never experimented before, but it seems to increase every time I observe Dean take off a clothing item. 

Dean is down to his boxer briefs, I know I should not be staring, but I cannot help myself, I am drawn by him, by the perfection that is his body, it is so unique, so special.

“Alright, Cas, hand me the robe, let’s get this over with.”

As soon as he places the robe over him, he releases himself from the boxers, which means Dean is completely naked underneath, I am trying very hard not to think about that, for my sake.

We exit the changing room and enter the art classroom, everyone is already seated, they surround the pedestal in which Dean is supposed to stand… completely naked. I am having a hard time erasing that information from my mind.

Just when I believe I have nothing to worry about, I notice that the chair where my utensils were placed as I arrived, now has changed location, it is now directly in front of the pedestal, I will be seated facing Dean, while he is naked, completely. It will be a miracle if either of us does not suffer a heart attack from all this mutual embarrassment that will no doubt take place. 

We both move forward into the room, Dean holds on to my arm, I place my hand over his and squeeze it hard, we are both nervous about this. Betty stands from her seat, she seems very pleased with herself, she must feel as though she just save the world for everyone in this room.

“Ok boys, here’s how things are gonna take place, Dean you’re gonna stand on the pedestal, you will recreate the pose Michelangelo’s ‘David’ holds, can you do that?”

“Um, yes I can mam’.”

“Perfect, Cas and I will be sitting right in front of you, that way if you feel nervous, you can just watch those sweet blue eyes to calm you down.” 

Dean and I face each other, we will both end up having a stroke if Betty keeps on putting us in these rather difficult situations, I understand she means well, but with her actions she is doing all the contrary to good. 

We walk at a normal pace, the feeling of everyone observing our every move is unsettling, I hold Dean’s hand tightly, he is actually shaking, he must be much more nervous than what I can perceive. 

“Dean, if you are still nervous about this, we can simply leave.” I whisper to him.

“NO, I’m gonna do this Cas, just don’t stare that much at me, I don’t want you to get too excited with what you see.” He whispers back, smiling. 

I kiss him on the forehead, and he simply smiles, I cannot tell if it is genuine or forced, but I had to that, I need to.

I sit down next to Betty, I feel nervous, for in a moment or so, I will be facing Dean, completely naked… 

Dean takes off his robe, my sight is suddenly focused on my canvas, I am too nervous to look at him, Betty suddenly speaks up.

“Alright everyone, bring out your pastels, and inspire yourselves on this handsome model we have here.”

I still face my canvas, slowly I bring out my pastels, I take in a deep breath and slightly raise my head, what I see instantly memorizes me.

Dean stands in the position of ‘The David’ by Michelangelo, he is so beautiful, the churning in my stomach intensifies, I truly believe the sunlight has simply posed perfectly behind him, giving him a shining silhouette which highlights every inch of his skin. I look directly at him, his green eyes pose on mine, we both stare for a moment, as if no one else were around us in this instant, he turns around and focuses on his position, I focus on my painting.

With every stroke of the pastels against the canvas, I shiver, because with every movement I am replicating Dean’s body, his skin, everything about him. I have not grown as nervous as I thought I would, then again, I have only focused on Dean’s face, arms and torso, I have not yet observed the rest of his anatomy, and that actually makes me quiver. 

I have already finished creating his upper silhouette, focusing on creating detail in his biceps and his chest and stomach… the simple of all of that makes me feel unrested, I must take this slowly. I have given strong detail in his eyes, for they have always been my favorite part of Dean, alongside his strong personality, he is simply outstanding. 

Shades of green, a forest, an ecosystem, a beautiful garden, all of that captivated in the attractiveness of his eyes. Dean would no doubt make fun of my way of describing his eye color, yet to me they represent all that and more. 

I realize that Betty has already finished portraying great part of dean’s body, she is very talented, yet she lacks the hard detail in various aspects, but overall she is very talented. 

I take another deep breath and finally focus on dean’s hips and what is below that, my hand starts to tremble, my stomach begins to rumble softly, there is something about seeing him this way that makes me feel strange.

I begin doing the outline of his… penis… it is strange why this makes me overall sweat a small amount, I had never actually thought anything sexual about Dean, but in this moments something is changing. I feel a strange desire, something in need of pleasure, it is a strange sensation, it is starting to overrule me.

“Alright everybody, let’s take a five minute break, and then we can come back to finishing our art pieces.” Betty says, thank goodness she has interrupted us, I do not know how much longer I could contain this strange sensation. 

Everyone directs themselves to the exit of the classroom, I however, stay inside waiting as Dean places the robe over his body.

“Thank goodness I shaved today, huh buddy?” Dean says sighing and laughing.

“I believe everyone here is impressed with your anatomy.” I say calmly.

“Yeah well, no one’s ever complained.” He jokes.

“Well, I do not wish to make my husband uncomfortable, but there are sectors of his body which he could improve.” I tease, he laughs.

“Is that so?”

I only nod in response, he stares at me for a moment, I begin to feel at unease again.

“Well, Mrs. Cas Winchester, “ he begins “may I remind you a few years back, when a certain angel appeared in my Impala, wearing nothing, covered completely in honey and bees.”

I had not remembered that for some time now, I was confused back then, the bees were my only distinguished friends in that moment of my life.

“I have no memory of this incident you mention, Dean.”

“Well, I remember it perfectly, and let me just say, there are certain things that angel needs to improve as well.”

“Is that so, like what?”

“Well, for starters, he should know that shaving… down there, is completely necessary if he ever wants to get laid.”

I simply snap my fingers, “It is done.” I smirk.

“Oh really?”

“Would you like to… make sure of it?” Once again, my impulse takes control of me, and suddenly, I am close to Dean, very close.

“Well… I mean… I’m your husband… and I… want to make sure you get laid again so…”

Dean is nervous, just as nervous as I am, and maybe I can take advantage of the situation.

“You know, this trench coat is kind of in the way, don’t you think?”

Dean nods slowly, I begin removing it, but I hear someone entering, it is betty.

“Oh hey lovebirds, hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Dean separates himself from me, “No, not at all, Cas and I are just, havin a good laugh.”

I nod in response, but now my stomach is unsettling me more than ever, so I must excuse myself.

“Will you excuse me, I must attend to the bathroom.”

“Everything alright, babe?”

“Yes Dean, I simply feel the need to use the restroom.” 

“Want me to go with you?” 

“No, I will be fine.”

I enter the restroom rapidly, my first instinct is to wash my face, I have been sweating uncontrollably. I then notice everything that has taken place, I have been sweating, feeling desires of pleasure and nervousness has invaded my body, my vessel’s feelings they are somehow taking control over me.

I remove my trench coat so I can let in a bit of fresh air, I notice that the strange feeling that invaded me was not coming from my stomach or abdomen area, rather from lower down. 

I seem to have an erection, and the cause of it, is Dean…naked Dean.

I wash my face in distress, I have rarely ever possessed an erection while hosting a vessel, but it has occurred before, and I have no knowledge as to how minimize it. Well for now, I possess my coat, it will be good for covering up anything that is happening underneath.

I cannot tell Dean about t, if he found out he was the cause of it, well, I do not know what could happen.

I exit the restrooms and enter the classroom as casual as possible, Dean approaches me.

“Everything alright, man?” he seems concerned.

“Yes, a simple vessel problem, nothing too problematic.” I lie.

Within the next hour, I manage to finish Dean’s portrait, I have given great detail into his legs and thighs, and his penis, I feel strange knowing I actually took time to give detail into his member, but I just had the need to do so. 

When Betty sees my work, she is amazed, “Well, there’s no doubtin that you love every inch of your hubbie, Cas, this is simply beautiful, Dean will love it.”

Dean has put the robe back on, I approach to show it to him but he halts me.

“Let me get dress, and then you can show me just how much a god I am.” He says playfully. 

“Fine, but I will admit, I made some parts look better than what they actually seem.”

He laughs out loud, “Snarky little bitch, I’m loving this attitude.” He laughs as he exits.

I observe what I have created, I would lie if I said it did not make me feel anything, yet, just by watching this drawing, I feel that sensation that asks I satisfy a need, a need of pleasure.

The class has finish its session, everyone begins leaving, they say their goodbyes as thy exit, leaving me alone with Betty, waiting for Dean to exit. He finally does so, he seems pretty pleased with himself, I guess painting naked for a day was a good exercise. 

“So, how good of a model was I?” He asks eagerly.

“Oh sweetheart, you were outstanding, I’m guessing you made half of the guys jealous, and the majority of us women were jealous of Cas.”

“Jealous of me?” I ask intrigued.

“Well yeah, you get to go home with him.” Betty says laughing.

Dean wraps his arm around me, “Cas, is a lucky guy, but I’m luckier having him.”

I simply grin. We then say our goodbyes to Betty, she invites us for tomorrow lesson, and Dean says that we will gladly come. The excitement inside me grows even more, Dean actually wants to accompany me to another class, it is simply remarkable. 

We head to the Impala, once inside I show Dean his portrait.

“Son of a bitch, I am one fine piece of ass.”

“Yes, you are. But don’t forget, I fixed some flaws.”

Dean laughs out loud, in all the commotion he approaches me and kisses me on the cheek, we are not in presence of anyone.

“Dean…why…”

“Sorry, got carried away with our fake marriage, take us home.”

I do as told, we appear in the bunker’s garage, I do not say anything, neither does he, and it was as if he wanted to kiss me. Maybe if I say something…

“Well, that was a fun afternoon, but I think that’s enough excitement and nakedness for one day, don’t you?” He exits the Impala and heads inside. I follow cautiously.

“Hey Sammy, look what Cas drew.”

Dean instantly shows Sam my portrait, Sam´s face is a mixture of disgust and surprise.

“Holy crap! Cas, why are you painting nudes of my brother?”

“Well, he was the model for the class.”

“You were?”

“Yep.”

I have to excuse myself from the brothers, rushing to my room, my erection is still presenting itself, and I have no idea how to ease it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how Cas is gonna relieve himself? Any ideas??


	10. Chapter 10

I begin to worry about my current condition, my erection presents strong pressure against my pants, as if it urges me to relieve it. I am not that uncommon to masturbation, but it is simply something that I find repugnant and unnecessary. There has to be another way to minimize it, one that does not involve masturbation, but what could that be?

I decide to exit my room, my only alternative left is to ask Dean, it will be a strange conversation, but the erection bothers me, and it does not allow me to concentrate on anything.

I find him siting tranquilly inside the living room, he reads a book of Greek mythology, it seems that at this point of the battle against the darkness, anything is helpful. He startles slightly when he notices my presence, I simply smile at him.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, finally out of your room, what brings you to our gorgeous living room?” He says mockingly as he indicates the room around him.

“I seem to present a problem with my vessel.” I indicate in a serious tone.

“You mean you still got that stuff you were having back at art class?” He asks.

“Yes, it seems to have… grown, instead of disappearing as I hoped would happen.”

“Well, c’mon dude, tell me what it is.”

“Dean, I seem to be experiencing…”

“Yes?”

“An erection…”

The silence in the room is nerve-racking, all Dean does is observe me, which only makes things worse, the sensation of his green eyes focusing on me, it feels warm and strange.

“So, you got a boner?”

“Um, yes.”

He laughs intensively and hysterically, “Oh my god, this is rich!” I do not know what is rich about this situation.

“This isn’t funny, Dean, I feel as if my pants are about to rip apart.”

“Oooh, someone’s well hung.” He laughs even harder than before.

“Dean!”

He tries to stop laughing, it is impossible at the beginning, but he eventually comes to a halt, he is now serious, although I know he still smirks. “Ok then, you’ve got a boner, and well there are two ways to get rid of ‘em, you take a cold shower or you masturbate, like a big boy.”

“Dean, I find masturbating unnecessary, it is something repugnant, and only incites more and more temptation, something that only children find pleasurable.”

“Ok, calm down there Freud.”

“You know who Sigmund Freud is?” I ask, a bit surprised at Dean’s recent knowledge.

“Whoa dude, that’s offensive, but yeah, I know who that crazy shrink is, but don’t change the subject, you’re a big boy now, and you gotta learn about the pleasures of masturbation.”

“Dean, this does not help me…”

“That’s what you think, but you’d be surprised.”

I stare at him relentlessly, he will not change his mind, that is for certain, “Alright, what must I do?” 

“First off, we need Sammy’s laptop.” He exits the room rapidly, meanwhile, I wonder about what has just happened, does Dean plan on showing me how to masturbate? These sudden thoughts do not help my current condition.

My imagination is cut short when I hear someone yelling.

“Dean you idiot, learn to knock!” Sam yells

Dean is laughing hysterically again, “C’mon, Sammy, that’s totally normal, I was just about to take your laptop to help Cas with the same thing!”

“Get out of here!”

Dean enters the living room running and laughing out loud, he stops to retrieve his breath, whatever he saw in Sam’s room, it must be very comical. 

“Dean, what happened?” I ask

“Well, let’s just say, Sammy knows the benefits of self-pleasure.” He says as he laughs again.

I now understand, Dean must have found Sam, while he was pleasing himself, it would be interesting to find Dean in such a situation, once again I realize these thoughts do not help my current erection.

“Well anyways dude, I guess you’re gonna have to go to your room and wing it.”

“I do not understand, Dean.”

“You know, you’re gonna have to, jerk while fantasizing…”

“Dean… this is no longer funny, all I need is to find a way to relieve this erection, and I do not want to masturbate!”

“Alright, dude, don’t get crazy, just go into the shower room and bathe yourself in pure cold water, no need for masturbation, or anything that involves touching yourself, alright?”

I nod, leaving Dean in the living room while I go change, a shower, it might just work.

Once inside my room I begin to undress, standing in nothing but my boxer briefs , my penis is in an erected state, a very strong one I may add, and it really bothers me, at least, it did when I had my trousers on.

As I remove the boxers, I can’t help but enjoy the way the silk brushes against me, as if presenting this erection has made my body more sensitive in some way, but I must ignore the impulse, for it is wrong.

Yet, I am in the safety of my room, and Dean himself said I needed to try the pleasures of masturbation, this something recreational, something that will teach me new things, and there I nothing wrong with that. My mind is now confused, my vessel urges me to relieve myself, but I am not in agreement with masturbation, it is wrong. 

Although, I cannot deny the sensation of curiosity that now takes over my motions… I will try it, there is nothing wrong with experimentation.

I rest myself upon the bed, slowly removing the boxers, allowing the silk to brush against my penis and my thighs, it feels ticklish, but favorable. I make my hand glide down towards my penis, tickling every inch of skin on the way. 

The rough feeling against my penis, it begins to feel unpleasant, maybe I should not be doing this.

I then remember what Dean told me, about having fantasies, it may help making this experience pleasurable. But, what am I to fantasize about? Was he referring to a sexual fantasy or anything else as long as it is pleasurable?

Do I find anything pleasurable?

I begin to analyze my memories, but there is nothing that gives me complete satisfaction, maybe I should ask Dean… Dean, my fellow friend, but also the man who I have had feelings for some time now, I have always admired his beauty, but today, in the art classroom, there was an accentuation in everything that he is. 

My hand begins running up and down my shaft, as I imagine the events occurred today, Dean standing before me, without a single layer of clothing, it is wrong, but there are certain things I wish to do as I see him before me. Certain, pleasurable things I have once or twice imagined, but never given much thought, maybe now I can.

This is my fantasy after all, and Dean will never know…

I imagine myself in the bunker living room, wearing a white buttoned shirt, black trousers and black shoes, a canvas stands before me, and Dean stands in front of me, complete naked, only for me, he stands proudly exposing every part of his body, which I paint with astonishment. 

Every now and then he winks at me, it makes me blush completely red, his smile is so beautiful, and his green eyes, they are a lit forest. He radiates something that makes me feel lost, but lost in a good way.

I finish Dean’s painting, it is the most amazing piece of art I have made so far, the details added, they just glow within the painting, and his eyes, I have added such great detail, it is my best work. 

“I have finished, Dean.” I say smiling.

“Perfect.” He smiles back.

I turn around, placing my paintbrushes inside their rightful place, I am almost ready to start cleaning up, when suddenly I sense something, someone. 

I turn around rapidly, Dean is standing in front of me, directly in front, almost face to face, he is still completely naked, and smiling mischievously, I feel a wave of nervousness and excitement go through my body.

“Dean, is everything alright?”

“Everything’s perfect Cas, I just thought maybe you could answer me something.”

“What do you need?” I ask nervously.

“Why does the model have to be completely naked, but the painter gets to keep his close on?” He approaches even more, I can practically hear his breathing.

“Well, there is no need for the painter to be naked, Dean, it would not make any sense it…”

“I disagree, and I feel offended that you still have all that clothes on…”

He puts his hands around my waist, pulling me against him, my heartbeat accelerates completely.

“Dean, I…”

“shhhh, don’t worry, Cas, we can fix this issue…”

His face comes close to mine; his lips slightly brush my own, as he glides across towards my neck. He breathes against it, making me shiver with such pleasure, I close my eyes, and he keeps sniffing my skin. He begins to unbutton my shirt, I still keep my eyes shut, but I can sense the excitement that it brings to him, he finally unbuttons the whole shirt, slowly removing it from my body.

“Better?” He asks

I open my eyes, they meet with his, “Much better…”

He passes by me and heads for the table, throwing all my art supplies towards the floor.

“Sit on the table.” He orders.

I do instantly as told, not sure of what will happen.

“Relax, Cas, I promise you’ll enjoy this…”

Dean’s hands begin gliding across my torso, I moan, satisfied at every touch, it is exhilarating. “You like that, don’t you?” He asks, as he notices my reactions.

“mmhmm” is all I manage to say

“Well, you’ll love this…” 

Before I can even ask what he refers to, I feel him pressing his lips against my chest, I fall completely back, feeling a high amount of excitation, closing my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy every moment of this.

They’re simple kisses at first, but Dean begins to bite my skin along the way, causing myself to moan out loud, “Oohhh Dean!”

“You like that?”

“Yes, yes I… oh lord!” I had never felt such excitement, this desire I have always wanted to satisfy, it is better than anything I have ever wanted.

Dean is now on top of me, he has stopped kissing my body, instead he watches me, I laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“I am sorry, Dean, I am a bit nervous, I do not know how else to react.”

“Stop worrying about that, I’ll teach you…” He seals his lips with mine, a kiss, something I have longed for so much, and as much as this is a fantasy, it is the first time I have ever dared kissing him, but it feels right and much needed.

The kiss is passionate, his lips taste like whiskey, and his beard scratches the surface of my skin, it is perfect, it is everything I will ever want, everything I can ever dream of having. I sense him smiling against my lips, his tender smile, so unique. 

“Did you like that?” He asks, I now sense nervousness in his voice.

“I loved it…” I respond.

He begins kissing my neck, slowly lowering himself across my chest and stomach, biting along the way, until… he stops. 

I look down at him, he just stares at the erection that can be seen alongside my trousers, a look of lust in his face, but nothing else.

“Dean, is everything…”

He stands up quickly, pulling me by the neck, bringing me to my knees.

“Dean, what are you…” I then notice I stand in front of his erection, he is completely aroused, and I can tell.

“Suck it.” He demands  
“Dean, I don’t know how…”

He puts his hand around my head, pulling me in.

I have ever practiced oral sex, so I do not know what to do, I open my mouth wide enough to let it in, but Dean is very well endowed, and I cannot fit it all.

I use my hand to take grip of his penis, helping me place it in, I cannot say for sure, but I think it tastes salty. I am overthinking everything, at least Dean is enjoying it.

“Yeah, baby. C’mon, Cas, let it all in.”

I look up to him as I pleasure him orally, his eyes are completely shut, he bites his lips with pleasure, and moans constantly at my doing.

I decide to make him feel more aroused, I extract his penis form my mouth, and I begin linking the head of his penis, this earns quiet a moan.

“Holy shit, Cas, where did you learn to do that?”

“I am simply improvising, Dean.” I manage to say

“Fuck!”

He pulls me up, making sit on the table once again, except this time he is unbuckling my belt, once he manages that, he pulls my pants off completely, all I wear now are my boxers.

He rubs his erect penis against my crotch, holding me completely close, and consequently making me aroused with lust.

“Take the boxers off, but do it slowly…” Dean whispers into my ear.

I get off of the table, he sits down, masturbating as he watches me, winking as I look at him. I feel amazing at his sight, he is everything I want, everything I desire to be mine.

I slowly remove the boxers, once again allowing the fabric to tickle my skin, Dean moans as I do so.

“Fuck, Cas, you’re so fuckin beautiful.”

I blush at his compliment, “Dean...”

“Get over here.”

I approach him, he pulls me in, kissing me again, hands traveling down my body, he holds my rear with a strong grip, making me moan, and making himself smile.

“You like that, don’t you, angel?”

“I enjoy it very much, Dean, your hands feel strong and nice.”

“Let me show you how strong they are…” He slaps my rear end with strength, almost making me lose my balance.

“Dear lord, Dean…” 

“Yeah, I knew you’d like that, angel.”

“Oh, Dean, the way you enounce the word angel, I feel such sensations…”

“Angel…” he says seductively into my ear.

“Dean…”

“I love the way you say my name, it turns me on, man. I’m gonna make you say it, loudly…”

His hand takes grip of my penis, slowly stroking , he does the same with his.

“Dean!”

“That’s right, angel, say my name…”

I let myself close to his body, pressing my lip against his ear, moaning loudly to his pleasure.

“Dean, faster, I want to orgasm…”

He strokes both our penises faster, moaning along to each other, the most amazing sensation ever.

“Say my name, Cas.”

“Dean, oh lord, Dean, I’m almost there!”

“Yeah, Cas, come for me, man, fuckin come for me!”

The sound of his voice is all it takes, I ejaculate intensively, covering his body in semen, moaning his name loudly, “Dean!” 

“Yeah, Cas, come all over my body.”

I finish, shaking as Dean holds me, I am barely able to stay on my feet, so I stand on my knees. Giving me a quite exciting idea.

“Dean, come in my mouth…”

His eyes are full of astonishment, he was probably not expecting my request, but he does so, enthusiastically…

Stroking fast, his penis stands at the tip of my mouth, so I decide to assist him with my tongue, this brings the results I wanted.

“Holy fuck!” He yells.

I am then covered completely by his sperm, taking his penis into my mouth, swallowing everything he expels, making him moan loudly, and making me enjoy every single moment of it.

“Holy shit, Cas!!”

“Dean…” I say faintly

“Cas! Cas!” His voice begins to echo, this is not part of my fantasy, Dean is actually calling me.

I open my eyes, I am back in my room, completely covered in sweat, and of course, I have ejaculated all over my torso, the sticky substance now feels unpleasant, but my fantasy was everything I have ever wanted, it is what I desire…

“CAS!” Dean yells from outside my room, making me come back to reality.

“Yes, Dean?” I ask, still a bit shaken.

“You ok in there?” 

“I am perfect, why?”

“Well, heard you say my name, and I got a little worried, you sure everythin’s ok?”

I said Dean’s name out loud? I truly hope that is the only thing I said, or else…

“Yes, Dean, I am ok. I will be out in a moment.”

I simply clean myself using my powers, giving me an appearance like I had just showered, that way Dean will not interrogate me about why I am no longer bothered by my erection.

I hurry towards the door, opening it in a fast manner, Dean stands there, seeming a bit confused.

“Dude, you already showered?”

“Yes I did, I teleported myself to the shower room, and back of course.” I lie.

“Well, that’s giving your powers a good use.” He says sharply, he seems unsettled.

“Is there anything you want, Dean?”

He acts shy as I ask him, something is bothering him, but I do not want to insist on the matter, for that has brought me nothing but problems.

“I was wondering if… you know, I could maybe see how that special painting is going, your masterpiece.”

He wants to be a part of what I am doing now, could I ask for anything else right now?

“Dean, I would love for you to see how I finish it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter feels rushed, I'm gonna give it more order next time, promise!


	11. Chapter 11

I open the door for him to enter, Dean walks in cautiously, as if I were to attack him if I found something he did as inappropriate.

“Dean, I understand you are still nervous about what happened a few days ago, but I assure you, you may enter calmly.”

This seems to tranquilize his anxiousness, he enters the room without hesitation, pausing as he observes my paintings, I now realize he must have not seen them since our fight, although I could be wrong. For all I am aware of, Dean could’ve entered the room before, looking for my masterpiece as if trying to prove that what I had said was in fact true. But nevertheless, I am glad he is taking his time and watching them carefully.

“Do you like them?” I ask, my nervousness is exposed, what he says might have an impact on me.

“Cas, you know I love ‘em, especially the one now hanging in my room.” I cannot believe it, he is referring to the one I painted at the art class, the one in which he stands, completely naked.

“You, put it on your wall?” The astonishment in my voice is clear.

“Course I did, where else would I put up myself, in the living room?” He makes a face of disgust, “No, I can’t have anyone else besides you, Sammy and some hot babe watching me naked.”

I watch him a bit confused, so are Sam and I, allowed to watch him naked? He notices my confused expression.

“Not that you and Sammy are gonna be seeing me naked a lot, but, you get the idea.” He says happily, as if clarifying everything. 

“Yes, Dean, I understand.”

He laughs, I do too, I indicate he take a seat, while I bring out what I have finished from the painting. 

I can feel him watching me, it is not uncomfortable, I do enjoy it, but I know that he only does it because he feels obligated to do so.

I retrieve the painting from behind the drawer, I have hidden it there so no one could see it, and take it towards Dean.

“Well, here it is.” I unveil the painting form underneath the red cloth, hoping he appreciates it. So far, I have finished the silhouettes for both of his parents, the house and the oak tree behind them is finished, but as of now, the most detailed part of the painting, are young Dean and his then baby brother, Sam. 

Dean watches it, but he does not say anything else. 

“Dean, do you like it…?” The only response I get is silence, a worrying silence.

Dean does not respond at all, the worry that invades me is now overwhelming, does he hate it? Have I taken his most precious memory, and turned it into something that he hates?

His expression is blank, it does not indicate nor happiness, nor deception, which only makes this situation far more unsettling.

Dean gets up from the bed, he approaches me, I am uncertain what he will do, and I fear he will hit me again. He does the exact opposite, he embraces me in a hug, it feels so warming, I hug him back, we stay this way for a few moments, he eventually separates from me. 

“So, I am to guess you liked what I have painted?”

He laughs, “Of course, dude, I love it, it’s perfect.”

“Well, just wait until it is finish, I am certain you and Sam will love it even more.” I say with a faithful expression. 

His smile suddenly disappears, it is now replaced with a face of concern, it is simply worrying.

“Dean, is everything alright?” I approach him, he sits back on the bed.

“No, I mean, I beat the crap out of you, thinking maybe you’d been out trying to betray us again, and all you were doin’ was trying to do something nice for me and Sammy.”

“Oh Dean, I understand, you were simply worried, you do not have to feel a need to apologize.” I try to make him understand that it is not of importance, he has many problems to face at this moment, I am simply not one of them.

“No, Cas, you can’t go around thinking that it’s ok that I treat you like crap sometimes, it’s not fair. Remember what I did to you when you confronted me about the mark?”

It is not a fond memory of mine, but I do remember, for a moment, I did believe Dean would strike the angel blade against my chest, I believed he would kill me and simply leave me there, that is not a good memory to hold on to.

“Dean, I understand you think I hate you for that, but it is in the past, we have far bigger problems to deal with right now, like Amara for instance. Besides, you were under the influence of the mark, it was not your fault.”

He does not respond, his face is full of sorrow, I believe he feels as though he has hurt me in unrepairable ways, and he has, but the love I have for him makes it impossible for me to hate him, hating Dean is something no one who knew him well could do. 

I wish I could say it to him, let him know what I feel, but I must not ruin anything, I myself have done enough damage already.

“Listen, Cas, you’re fuckin’ special to me, okay? I don’t want you to believe you’re not, I’m a knucklehead, I get it, but you and Sammy are the most important thing I have.”

“Thank you, Dean, that means a lot to me.” My smile is widely genuine, he is always able to make me feel different from one moment to another.

“I like it when you smile, Cas, when I see you and Sammy smile, it just lights me up.”

“I like when you smile… I feel that you are truly happy, and it makes me happy.”

“Ok Cas, stop it, you’re turning this into a chick flick moment, last thing I need is for you to kiss me.”

“Would it be wrong if I did?” 

“Dude, c’mon, you’re gonna start making this uncomfortable, and that’s really the last thing I…”

I lose control over my body and my actions, I pull Dean in for a kiss, why? I am not sure, I felt as if it was now or never, the consequences will be horrible, but it is too late to regret anything.

His lips, they taste sweet and a bit like beer, they are soft and filling, his beard scratches my skin, but it only drags me more into the kiss, for it feels wonderful, it feels better than what I could ever imagine. He does not protest, all he does is allow me to kiss him, maybe he enjoys this as well…

I separate myself from him, ashamed, but feeling relieved I have finally done that, it was making me feel very crazy as they say, my sanity was beginning to drift itself.

He simply stares, then speaks up, “Dude, what the fuck?” He jumps out of bed, fury shows across his face, “Why did you think it was perfectly ok to kiss me? For fucks sake Cas, we were starting to emend things and get on with being family, and now you kiss me? Do you love me or some shit?”

“I thought I made that clear.” I say ashamed, he hates me now, I have finished breaking whatever bond we had begun creating. “Dean, I…”

“No, shut up, Cas! We are not having this conversation, not now, not ever, you understand me?”

“Dean, please, just let me…”

“Enough!”

The harsh tone makes everything mute, I feel I must disappear, but that would be irresponsible, I should have thought this through.

“Dean! Cas!” Sam’s voice breaks the tension, thank goodness, he enters the room panting, nerve wrecked, something is completely wrong.

“Sammy,” Dean approaches his brother, “what is it?”

“It’s…”

“Speak up Sammy!”

“She’s at the museum… on the news… wants to speak to you…” he pants intensively.

“What the hell are you talking about, Sammy?”

“Amara…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are startin to get intense, sorry for the short chapter, school's already killing me!   
> Promise next chapters are gonna be longer!


	12. Chapter 12

We find ourselves inside the Impala, heading north, because according to Sam, the situation has become very complex.

“So, Amara simply appeared at the National Kansas museum, she startled everyone, and when the security officer tried halting her, she fried him…” Dean turns to look briefly at Sam, worry in his face, “As in, burned him alive.” Sam finally says.

Things are indeed very much complex, this is going to be a dangerous mission.

“Wait, why the hell is she at a museum?” Dean asks furiously.

“I don’t know, it’s not like the national museum of Kansas has anything worth stealing, right?” None of the brothers can be certain that Amara isn’t after something, I for one know that the darkness is unpredictable, one of the many reasons my father had her sealed away.

“Hey, Cas?” Sam asks, breaking interrupting my thoughts “You know of any item Amara could be searching for?”

“I do not know, she has power equal to God’s, but I have never known if she needs another source of energy, or if she is looking for something in particular.”

“Well, that’s crap, why the hell is she doing this now?” Dean asks, his anger taking control over him. 

“And why does she fuckin have to take it out on other people!?”

“Dean, you must take it easy,” I rest a hand on his shoulder, he pulls away.

“Not now, Cas, we’ve got real problems to deal with!”

“Dean, I simply…”

“I said not now!”

I become quiet, for I have already done plenty to make this a horrible day for Dean, I might as well not turn it worse than what it is.

“Dude, what the hell?! Cas is just trying to be supportive, stop acting like an ass!” Sam says, he is very kind when trying to defend me, but I do not deserve it.

“Sammy, shut your pie hole, this is none of your business, now can we just focus on the situation here? Amara probably has hostages in there, and if we don’t do something, innocent lives are gonna be taken.” His voice is full of frustration, as if unable to do anything.

We all become quiet, probably thinking about the horrible things Amara could be doing, and I know that Dean believes it is because of him, ever since he was unable to kill Amara, he has felt that everything she does or attempts is related to him.

Part of me worries, and the other part feels devastated, when we come back from this case, that is we make it back, Dean will once again treat me with indifference, and I do not know if I will be able to withstand such treatment.

It takes us less than an hour to arrive at the museum, there are many people surrounding the museum, various authorities along with them, it seems as though the situation has gone completely out of control, which is not very good news.

We exit the Impala, all of us where our suits, we will have to be careful to for us to be allowed into the museum. 

As we exit, Dean passes by me, but he avoids making any sense of eye contact, it is very hurtful, but I realize it is not the reason we are here, so I must focus on our priorities right now.

An officer approaches us, Dean is the first to make contact with them, “Afternoon Officer, Agents Jackson, Shelton and Paisley…” I guess I am Paisley, “FBI, we’re here because of all the disturbance going around.”

“What can to tell us about the situation?” Sam asks frenetically. 

“Well, what can I tell you, agents? This woman in a black dress appeared inside the museum, and then started causing havoc. At first we didn’t know what she wanted, all we knew is that she had a lot of hostages, but over an hour ago, she released them.”

“Wait, she let them go?” Dean asks surprised, frankly, both Sam and I are just as surprised.

“Indeed she did, one of our officers was able to get word with her, she said that she had already gained ‘his’ attention, and that she knew he was coming this way, but we don’t understand exactly what she meant, I’m guessing she’s expecting someone.”

It is clear she was speaking of Dean, and now none of us knows how to react exactly. We thank the officer, and decide to head towards the museum, once at the door, Sam halts us.

“Alright, what’s the plan?”

“You and Cas get outta here, and I face Amara.” Dean says calmly, though I feel he is afraid. 

I refuse instantly, “Dean, neither Sam nor I will be doing such a thing.”

“What, you two idiots wanna die?” He is indeed scared.

“We’re going in with you…” And without a warning, Sam opens the door into the museum, Dean follows him inside, and so do I.

It is very quiet, and that startles all of us, for Amara could appear at any moment. We do not port any weapons, and why would we? We now know that we are unable to harm Amara, and it is simply a waste of ammo.

The main hall of the museum possesses a variety of attractions, it is full of distinct fossils, cavemen and in the middle stands the skeleton of what seems to be a Tyrannosaurus-Rex, those creatures were always quite clumsy, it was no wonder my father decided to extinguish them all.

“Alright, I think it’s better if we split up.” Sam says.

“What? No, Sam are you trying to get us killed?” Dean asks, feeling angry at Sam’s imprudence. 

“Dean, if we split up we can find her sooner, and we can always keep in touch with our walkie-talkies.”

“That’s not enough, Sam, what is she kills you, or Cas? You think I can live with that?”

Well at least he still worries about me, but he also worries about Sam, and I can tell Dean is planning something on the road of suicidal, and I cannot allow that.

“You and Sam go together, I’ll head off on my own.” I offer a solution to this problem, but it seems to make the brothers startle.

“Cas, what, no! Are you insane? You could get killed!” Sam says to me.

“Yeah, man, that’s fuckin suicidal, this whole thing is. So here’s the deal, you two go back to baby, and I go find Amara.”

“What? No way, Dean!” 

“We will not leave you, this not only your battle, but it is ours as well.” I say confidently.

“That’s right, so you better get used to us tagging along whenever the darkness strikes.” Sam says supporting my idea.

Dean simply growls, “Fuck, alright, but if either one of you sees her, I want you to shout my name out as loud as possible, understand? And you run, I don’t care what she says, you run away from her, we clear?”

Sam and I both nod, the three of us take different paths, Sam heads towards the left wing of the building, Dean takes the right wing, and I take the central hall.

I enter cautiously, Amara is a dangerous force, and I would be most unlucky to have to face her in this moment. I must admit, as much as I fear facing her, it worries me to know what she could do to either of the Winchesters, I know she would not hurt Dean, but she could still try to harm him, or to use him.

I walk through the hall, trying to behave as calm as possible, the galleries seem of great interest, unfortunately, I am not here on some sort of joy trip, I am here to help the Winchester deal with the darkness.

I must admit, I lose complete focus a the task at hand, for the room I enter is full of art pieces, it is the gallery of the most influential art in the last centuries, every artist I have studied is here, every portrait that has impacted me stands before me.

Dalí, Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Picasso, Botticeli, they are all here, my mind is flooded with ideas, with ways to make tribute to such amazing artists, they who have inspired others since many millennia ago.  
My mind tells me I should not be easily distracted, but being able to appreciate these works in physical form is much more pleasing than having to watch them through Sam’s laptop. It is simply breathtaking.

I decide to take out my cell phone, I begin to take as many pictures as possible, from the most simple of paintings, to those that stand out due to their complexity. I have lost complete concentration at what I am supposed to be doing, which is finding the darkness.

Suddenly, someone enters the room, I halt at what I am doing, a certain fear invades my body, my own passion has now brought my downfall, this might just be the end of me.

I hide behind a sculpture, hoping that whoever has entered, had not noticed my presence, because otherwise, this might just be the end of the line as they say.

“Cas?”

I recognize his voice, it is Dean, I decide to leave my hideaway, I do not remember the last time his voice gave me such relief.

“Dean, did you find Amara?” I ask him.

“No, I’m hoping Sammy doesn’t either.” He watches the room around us, “So, I’m guessing this just became your favorite attraction?” He ask me, truly this is a beautiful exhibit.

“Yes, I truly admire all of these artists’ works, words cannot express just how amused I am about all of this. It is just beautiful, Dean.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you loved art that much. But I’m glad you have a hobby.”

“Thank you, Dean.” I believe this could be a perfect time to discuss what happened earlier in the bunker, but I feel that it would be too much pressure on Dean, and the circumstances aren’t the best they could be in these moments. “We should keep looking for Amara, something tells me she does not plan on staying in the shadows for much longer.”

“Yeah, we should be careful.”

I take the lead, for I do not want to risk Dean’s life, is it a rather frightening decision, but it is the correct one to do.

The environment in the room is unsettling, as if Amara’s presence was already surrounding the building, it makes me feel unease, and I know it makes Dean feel the same.

“Everything alright, Dean?” I ask, trying to establish conversation, hoping the idea of Amara attacking can get of my mind.

“Yeah, Cas, I’m alright, just worried, you know?”

“I understand…” I stop, my back still facing Dean, it feels unsettling not be able to talk about my earlier idiotic action, “I know this isn’t the right time to talk about it, but I... I want to apologize for what I did earlier.” I begin remembering the kiss, the way it felt, how much I desired it, how I wish it would have become my fantasy come to life, but that is not meant to be.

“I understand,” Dean responds, “You don’t have to feel ashamed about having those fantasies where we, you know…”

I am in sudden shock, how did he know about my fantasies? “Dean, how did you…” I turn around rapidly, but what I see makes me forget completely about what I was about to say.

“Is this what your fantasy’s about?” Dean stands naked before me, I turn around instantly, ashamed of even staring.

“Dean, what are you doing?” 

“C’mon, Cas, look at me, I know you want to…” his voice sounds so seductive, so tempting.

I don’t look back, my back still faces him, he approaches and hugs me from behind.

“You sure you’re not gonna look at me?” His tongue licks the back of my neck, I release myself from him.

“No, Dean, why are you doing this?” I finally face him, avoiding staring directly at him, or at his body, his strong presence makes me tremble, I something is not right.

He walks towards me, I back up slowly, until I hit my back with a sculpture, seems I am trapped. My heart palpitates strongly, I am feeling very much nervous, I know part of me desires this, but this not Dean, not the Dean I know.

His hands land on the side my hips, “So, you gonna cooperate, Cas?” His wide smile, it is making me feel strange. “C’mon, man, Sam doesn’t even need to know, it can be our secret…” He closes in on my personal space, it feels wrong, very wrong.

“Please, Dean…”

“What, now you’re gonna tell me you’ve never fantasized about me fucking you? That you’ve never imagined what my hands would feel like against your skin, how my hands sink into your skin as I fuck you against the sheets of my bed?”

“No, because I know you’re not Dean, he would never speak that way to me, not after what happened…”

‘Dean’ kisses me, and I no now, that it is not him, for his lips are a mixture a pureness and fear, these lips, they taste of nothing but death.

I push him away from me, I fear I may know who he, or she, is.

“So, you and Dean have been spending a lot of time together, haven’t you, Castiel?”

“Amara…”

I try running away, but in a matter of seconds I am being thrown against the walls, landing on one of the gallery statues, a painful landing.

The Dean that stands before me is now disappearing, surrounding himself in a black cloud, I can now only expect the worse, for I do not know what she will do to me.

In a matter of seconds, she stands before me, her black dress as usual, and that stare she possesses, it is the clear stare of death itself.

“Castiel, sweet nephew, it’s nice of you to drop by, you weren’t at all what I was expecting, but that doesn’t matter, in a few seconds, what you looked like won’t be important.” She raises her hand at me, the sky darkens.

This clearly is it for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is about to take 360 turn, be ready!!  
> P.s. The agent's last names are from my favorite country artist, Alan Jackson, Blake Shelton and Brad Paisley <3


	13. Chapter 13

My eyes are sealed shut, if I am to die, I do not wish to see it go through, if only it were possible for me not to feel pain as well. After moments of hesitation, I open my eyes, but I am not dead, I am still on the ground. It is strange, but I am still alive, and I do not know why? 

Amara simply faces me, she does not move, it seems that she is rather analyzing me, for her eyes do not depart from where I lay. 

“Are you not planning on killing me?” I ask, my voice broken by the fall.

“Of course I am, Castiel, just not yet. There are still some things I’m trying to understand.”

“What do you mean?”

“You see, my dear nephew, over the last few days, I have been having some troubles…”

She approaches ever so calmly, a trail of death is left wherever she steps, I can feel it, and it is even worse than what death in its normality could feel like.

“…Dean, he has been a bit distant lately, especially these past days, I haven’t been able to reach out to him, I was beginning to become relentless as to why. But now, I have the answer.”

“What are you talking, about?”

“You, you have been interfering between our bond, Castiel, and at first I didn’t understand why, but after all you’ve told me, I understand it…”

“I never told you anything…”

“That may be true, but I was able to take the information from you, the moment I kissed you…”

She is a horrible being, using what I love most against me, but how did she know? “If you weren’t sure why Dean was distant from you, then how did you know that it would be me whom you could get the information from?”

“Well, anyone with eyes can see that you look at Dean with more than just respect, or am I wrong?” 

I do not respond, I feel angry and horrible for what I have done, allowing my lust and desires grow strong for Dean, allowing our enemies to spot our weaknesses. She kneels in front of me, practically whispering into my ear.

“You are one pathetic creature, Castiel, I understand that humans love each other no matter what the odds are, but you? An angel falling for a human? And not only that, for a human that tortures and mistreats you? How extremely idiotic of you, although who am I to speak, part of Dean wants me dead, the difference however, is that part of him desires me.” 

“If you are planning on killing me, I suggest you do it now… please.” My voice breaks, her words have broken me.

“I would gladly do that, but I am enjoying this. Tell me Castiel, what does it feel like to know he hates you? What does it feel like know that he will only love you in your fantasies, but never in reality?” She is relentless and will not stop, for she now knows that she has me where she wants, “Did you actually think that Dean or his brother actually care about you, or your stupid art, I mean c’mon, you’re no Picasso, stop acting like you’re some kind of important artist. Dean and Sam will never acknowledge it, or your so called masterpiece.”

“You saw that?” I asked, shocked at how much she now knows.

“Of course, it is because of that whole art thing, that Dean has been separated from me, but that’s not all I saw, I also saw your sweet daughter, that girl whom you feel responsible for, but I mean, why wouldn’t you feel responsible? After all, you murdered her parents.”

“I did not do such thing, it was not…”

“No, but it was caused by you, it was your entire fault. You are a very big burden of everyone, nephew, but just when I thought it couldn’t be any worse, you decide that you can interfere with my bond towards Dean. Kissing him, really? What makes you think that’ll draw him towards you?”

I begin crying, I cannot listen to any more of it “Please, just end this already, please kill me.” 

She laughs harshly and sighs, “Pathetic. I will give you what you desire, say hi to god for me if you see him.”

She lifts me into the air, I feel as my body begins to compress, I lose all knowledge of my senses, slowly fading away. 

“Amara, stop!”

I fall to the ground, again, merely aware of what is happening, but I am able to hear.

“Why hello Dean, it has been a long time.”

“Not enough, let go of Castiel!”

“Oh please, I haven’t done anything to your pet, he is still alive.”

“What do you want from us?”

“I want you, Dean, remember, we are meant to be together.”

“I am never gonna be with you, Amara, not while you keep trying to murder my family…”

“Oh please, Castiel, your family? If that were true, you wouldn’t treat him like garbage, Dean. How about you tell me how you really feel…”

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about!”

“I don’t? Then how do I know that you almost beat the crap out of him, because you thought he was betraying you again. How do I know that you have been accompanying him on this whole art thing, just because you feel guilt? You don’t really care about him or anything he does, all you’re doing is easing that guilty feeling.”

A loud gun shot is heard, but I am still mildly hurt at the moment, all I hear after that, is a small laughter.

“Oh please, why do waste your bullets? You know that I cannot be killed.”

“Was worth a shot.” That is Dean speaking, he is alright.

“Well, you have never actually been able to attack me, but this is new…”

I finally get up, Dean and Amara face each other, Dean notices me.

“Cas, you okay?”

“I am fine, Dean, do not worry.”

Amara faces me, I realize it is I who should be worried. “You!” She yells at me, “You are the cause of all of this, the reason Dean’s bond has broken from mine, but I’m going to fix that problem, right now!”

She heads towards me, there is no hesitation as to what she is about to do, but is then halted, a dagger strikes through her body. 

Dean stand behind her, his hand gripping the dagger tightly, his face full of rage, “Don’t you dare tough him.” He removes the dagger form her body, letting her fall onto the ground. He runs towards me.

“Cas, buddy, you okay?” His hands examining me, pure worry is heard in his voice.

I try calming him down, he is exasperated “Yes, Dean, I am simply sore, but it is nothing that can’t be healed.”

“Good, c’mon, we need to get outta here before she…” As Dean turns around, we notice that Amara has fled, I only hope it were for good, but I have never gotten what I desired.

Sam runs into the gallery, “Are you two alright?” He asks.

“Yeah, we’re peachy, Sammy, now why don’t you help me with Cas, will ya?”

“Oh, right.” 

The brothers help lift me up, we decide it’s best we leave the scene, Amara will not be coming back anytime soon, at least we hope.

As soon as we exit the museum, news reporters begin to interrogate us, thankfully, the police officers have our backs, so they don’t allow anyone nearby, which is good, for neither of us wishes to speak to the media. 

Dean helps me into the Impala, I would be lying if I said nothing hurts, but the truth is, falling twice onto my back from many feet away from the floor is painful. Dean enters the impala after me and so does Sam, their faces show concern, and fear, Amara has both of them fearing, not just for themselves, but for everyone around them. 

The ride home is silent, I begin falling asleep while we are still on the road, though it is not completely comforting after all the things Amara said to me, they were too painful yet truthful. Without warning, I fall asleep.

I am awakened by all the movement, startled as I notice I am no longer in the impala, more so, when I notice I am being carried into the bunker, I don’t say anything yet, I decide to remain silent, as I await to understand what is happening.

“Poor guy, Amara really beat the crap out of him, you think he’ll be fine?”

“Don’t know, Sammy, he’s strong, but Amara is a force of evil, I just hope he can heal with time.”

Sam and Dean are both speaking of me, they seem to be worried.

“You know, we shouldn’t be taking him with us, he was already happy and relaxed with his painting, we’re dragging him to his death, Dean.” 

Dean does not respond, he stays quiet, it is a stressful quietness, which makes me feel unsettled.

“I promise I’ll talk with Cas in the morning. Night, Sammy.”

“Night Dean.”

And with that, Dean continues to walk down the halls of the bunker, he enters my room, and gently places me on the bed, I do not know whether to speak to him, or simply let him leave.

“Dean…” I say faintly.

“Oh, hey, you feeling alright, buddy?”

“I believe my back is still sore, but I will recover.”

“That’s great, man.”

“Thank you, Dean… for saving me from Amara.”

“Don’t thank me, man, you know I’d do anything for you…” he laughs, but I know part of him feels guilt, what Amara said, really got to him.”

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure, dude, go ahead.” He says as he sits on the edge of my bed.

I remain silent for a moment, trying to think how to ask my question, finally, I formulate it, “Was Amara, right? Are you doing all of this just out of pity?”

“What? Cas, no, I would never… I mean, listen I know I’m a jerk sometimes, but I would never do that to you…”

“Just like you said you would never lose trust in me, again?”

“Dammit, Cas, I know I screwed up, but c’mon, man, I’m tryin to fix it!”

“I am sorry, Dean, I just… I feel miserable knowing that I am indeed some kind of burden, knowing that you feel so sorry for me, it just ensues that I no longer have the power I once had, and that I am now the weakest link.” I look down, my hands fidgeting, I really do wish things were different, “You know, Dean, I truly wish Amara would have ended me in that moment…”

Dean stands furiously, “Cas! What the fuck?! Don’t you dare say shit like that! Man, don’t you understand that you’re family, you’re our brother, man, I need you and you know that!” 

“Need me, for what?”

He pulls me in and kisses me, it feels forced, and his lips taste of sorrow and hurt, his hands reach into my coat, they search for skin, my hands take frame of his neck, pulling him in closer, my eyes closed shut, I simply wish to feel him, every part of him.

“Cas…” he says, “I need you…”

“Dean, I… I…” My mind wanders, reminding me of what Amara said ‘falling for a human, and not only that, for a human that tortures and mistreats him…’ I push Dean away, I feel nauseous, I feel horrible.

“Cas? You, alright?” Dean asks, concerned.

“I just, I am sorry, Dean, I simply cannot continue with this…”

“But this is what you want, isn’t it?”

“I do, more than anything in the world, but not this way, not while I feel vulnerable.”

“Cas, I… I didn’t mean for it to…”

“No, Dean, do not apologize, you are not guilty of this, it is I who is to blame. I allowed Amara’s words get to me, I must think about what I feel… I need some time alone, I need to be away…”

“What, no Cas, please…”

I give Dean one last kiss, for now, our eyes are both closed, I honestly do not understand where he stands in this position, if he feels something for me or simply guilt, but I cannot think about that now, I need to think for myself. 

So I simply, leave…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.... 
> 
> LOL Just kidding, can't wait to show you guys what's next


	14. Chapter 14

The Grand Canyon is very beautiful, full of amazing rock formations, covered in different and colorful patterns, it is sometimes odd to think how it is the result of an angel’s work, but then again, we too work in mysterious ways. Now that I think about it, this was the result of an angered angel, Hazel’s work, I recall, maybe we work in even stranger ways than what I can imagine.

It has been at least two weeks since I left the bunker, a very long time for me, but a very needed one, I have been able to relax and contain myself from trying to do any harm to my vessel. I have not painted in these two weeks, although I have tried, yet it seems that the passion I once did it with has abandoned me, part of it being consequence of everything Amara said, and another part of it being it a reminder of my so called masterpiece that brought initial problems between Dean and I.

I have been in this constant struggle with myself, wondering if I should go back to the bunker, or if I should remain away for another period of time. I am very eager to return to the Winchester’s side, and of course, I want to rekindle my passion with painting. It will be very difficult, but if I abandon it, I will only allow Amara to have power over me, and I shall not allow that.

I travel alongside the walls of the Canyon, thinking about all the consequences that returning back to the bunker will bring. Maybe Dean will be happy to see I am alright, or maybe he will be furious, nothing is ever completely certain, but I know that whether or not he is fond of my return, he still needs me in this battle, we are still a family, and a family does abandon others in time of need.

One deep breath, that is all I take, I set off, I appear on the outside of the bunker, I hope the Winchesters are happy for my sudden appearance at their door.

I enter the bunker, realizing how abandoned it is, the brothers must not be home, I worry they are confronting Amara, but slowly, I begin calming myself down, the brothers are probably out on a normal hunt, the type they solve without any problems. They are fine, and I should not begin to worry over my exhausting imagination, it is not healthy. 

I walk into my room, it is exactly like I have left it, although there seems to be something different, notes, a variety of notes resting on top of each of my paintings. As I decide whether or not to read them, something startles me, a shook in the universe, as if something coming from heaven had just struck the earth. I feel that this shook is but a mere replica of the big event that took place. Something is clearly wrong, very wrong.

Cas, buddy you there? 

Dean, he is calling out to me, there is weakness in his thoughts, it is not just any weakness, this is something serious.

Dean, are you alright?

No, man, something weird is going on…

What happened?

The angels, they all… nuked Amara.

They did what?

They all attacked her, the sky just blew up, and then there was lightning and stuff, Amara got me out of there before the attack, but it seemed like serious shit.

Angel Smiting, things are now completely out of hand, the angels, they decided to take manners into their own hands. The absence of god, the fact that they have had no reaction from him, it must have simply aggravated them to the point where they decided that they could make the big decisions. 

Within a matter of seconds, I find myself in front of Dean, he is very weak and is sitting very awkwardly on the floor against the Impala’s door. I understand exactly what is going on, so I am not as worried as I thought I would be, but seeing Dean on the floor like this is still startling.

He vomits onto the floor, I approach him with caution, not wanting to making feel unease. 

“What’s wrong with me?” He asks.

I don’t respond, instead, I check his vital symptoms, pupils and temperature, I know exactly what he is suffering from.

“Are we close to the where the occurrences took place?”

“The angel nuke? Yeah, a few miles down.”

“Well that explains it, you suffer from smiting sickness.”

He looks at me with a rather confused face, “That’s a thing?” he asks, disbelief in his voice.

“Yes, you see, what the angels did, it released an amount of energy that poisons anything within a radius from the event. Your sickness will only get worse if you get closer to it.”

“But you can heal me, right?”

“I’m afraid not, it is an enormous amount of energy, my healing powers are not enough to contradict its effects.”

“Great, well, help me up, we gotta get closer and see if it worked.” He says, determined to find out what has happened, he tries getting up by himself, but falls back down.

“No, Dean, you will only get weaker as we approach the smiting area. You must go back, or else you will find that you are closer to death than you are to life.”

He looks defeated, eventually accepting, “Alright, but just be careful alright?” 

I nod, determined to follow up and see if Amara is gone, but Dean pulls me in for a kiss, I separate myself, startled at the occurrence.

“I’m guessing you haven’t read the notes?” He asks me, chuckling as I stare at him.

“The angels did not give me time to do so…”

His smiles turns into a frown, “Cas, please be careful and… if she is… you know, gone, bring me her body.”

“And if she is alive?”

“Then you run, you run and you don’t look back, understand me?”

I nod, and disappear.

The forest has become a resemblance of pure obscurity, it is the middle of the day, yet this scenario seems to be taking place in the middle of the night. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried, but truthfully, this place and its atmosphere only make me feel startled, as if someone or something was watching me.

There is a distant noise, movement coming from the trees a few feet away, I proceed with caution, my hands hold on to the angel blade, it stands firmly in my grasp, ready to cross the chest of any adversary if necessary. My only fear is that lying beyond the bushes is Amara, for in that case my blade would be useless.

I walk up to whomever is in the bushes, it is not the darkness so I am not as worried, still, it is no human, for she or he would be dead by now, the smiting sickness in this area could easily kill any living being on earth.

“Who are you?” I ask, intimidating, raising my angel blade in a defensive position.

“Oh dear lord, I’m… I’m Ambriel, I tam in charge of death counts up in heaven… I’m an angel, umm… wait up, you’re Castiel, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.” I say, lowering my angel blade.

“Are you going to kill me?” She asks, fearful of what my next action will be.

“Is that what they say, that I go around killing other angels?” This shouldn’t be of big importance, but I feel as though I should know what is said about me in heaven. How I miss it.

“Well, that’s one of the stories.” She responds. I do feel a bit hurtful about the rumors.

“Well, none of those rumors are true, for most part, I was sure I was doing the right thing.” I lie, even I don’t know that to be true anymore. “What are you doing here?”

“I guess I’m here for the same reason as you, to find out if the smiting worked.”

“You are here to find out if the darkness had been defeated.”

“Exactly, and since you are too, I guess maybe, you and I should team up then, that way no one has to die today…” 

She is scared, I can tell, so I accept her offer. “That seems like a reasonable plan.”

“Great.”

As we walk down the dark paths of the forest, I begin to make small talk with Ambriel, that way it won’t feel so tense between us.

“So Ambriel, tell me exactly, why someone who takes care of death counts, comes here, where things just went crazy?”

“Well, practically every other angel too part in the smiting of the darkness, and well, let’s face it, I am part of the disposable team, you know we’re sent on the suicide missions.”

“I am here on my own terms.” I say firmly. 

“No you’re not, you are here because of the Winchesters, c’mon, you’re making sure they don’t die, so you risk yourself. Don’t you get it, we’re the disposable squad, that’s just how things are.”

I try not to let her words affect me, but what if Ambriel is right? So far, my only contribution to battling the darkness has been this, I am unable to even use my full powers against her, I am only half the angel I once was. I had never realized how disposable I really am, Dean would probably tell me to shut up, that I am family, and he would be right, I am family, and they care about me, Ambriel does not know what she is even talking about, how could she? When I was an angel, this whole family trait thing was strange, now, I see that is what makes humans such extraordinary beings, Family don{t end in blood, Bobby would say.

Ambriel has taken a different path from me, I worry for her, she seems to have basically no knowledge on how to defend herself if she is in the sudden need to confront an enemy, I should go find her. It is somewhat difficult with all the darkness that surrounds us, it appears to be getting thicker, another reason I should find her quickly.

She is nowhere in sight, it is as if she had just disappeared, maybe she decided this was too much for her to handle, I would not blame her if she thought so, for what I can already perceive, Amara is not dead.

“AAAAGHHH”

A scream, it belongs to Ambriel, I run towards where it came from, if my fears are true, she encountered Amara, and things have not ended well. 

The sight is horrifying, Amara is feeding off of Ambriel, consuming her grace and everything that she is, and I cannot do anything to save her. Ambriel falls dead onto the floor, the darkness that surrounded the forest now seems to become a part of Amara, the light comes back and gives lie to forest, revealing the pale dead body of Ambriel, and even worse, Amara standing in front of me, regaining her strength. 

“Castiel, we meet again.”

“Amara.” I take out my angel blade.

“Seriously? You actually think that little object can hurt me?”

“Well, it is worth a try.”

She grins, “And if it doesn’t work, what do you do then?”

I don’t find a good answer, “I’m not afraid to die.”

“Of course you are, I can smell the fear, you stink in it.”

I launch myself towards her, Blade in hand; she lifts me in the air and throws me against a nearby tree, once again hitting my back.

“Pathetic, I thought you had learned something from that day at the museum, but it seems that I still need to teach you things.”

I disappear and reappear behind her, almost striking the blade against her neck, but she senses me, stopping my arm before I can do any damage. She uses her strength to hurt my arm, I feel the pain, it is too much, I feel my bone about to be broken, making me let go of the blade. She too lets go.

“You know, I never understood why God took a particular interest in you, why would he reconstruct you in various occasion? You are the most useless angel I have ever met.”

I look up at her, she laughs and throws me against the tree, she is playing with me, waiting for the right moment to kill me.

“How are things going, I heard you left the Winchester’s side after confronting me in the museum, did my words hurt you?”

“Shut up, filthy whore.”

“Oh dear, I should just end you already.” She says as she raises her hand, lowering it as she watches me.

“Why did you stop?”

“It just seems like such a waste, and besides, I need you to send a message for me.”

I do not have any time to react, she begins burning my skin, encrypting a message onto it, the pain is aggravating. From a moment to another, I am at the gates of hell, I do not know what I am doing here, but I have a horrible feeling this is where Dean and Sam are. 

I hurry inside looking for them, halted by a demon, “You cannot be in here”

“I must speak to Crowley, and the Winchesters, I know there here.” I do not wait for his permission, he follows me, trying to stop me, but failing at his attempts.

I keep walking forward, not truly aware of exactly where I am heading, that is, until the demon surpasses me and heads into a room.

“I’m sorry my lord, I tried to…” He says.

But I enter the room without hesitation, finding Dean, Crowley and Rowena in the same room.

“Cas?” Dean asks, I can sense he is somewhat happy to see I’m alive.

“Oh good, the angel is here…” Crowley blurts out.

“What happened?” Dean asks, concerned.

“Amara, she is alive, and she… sent this message.” I remove my shirt, revealing the message Amara carved onto my body.

I AM COMING

“A threat?” Crowley asks.

“A promise…” Dean slowly answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, the story is now gonna have certain relation to the season 11 plot, especially with Casifer, hope you like it :D


	15. Chapter 15

A few days later

Being trapped in my vessel, it is much more curious than what I thought it would be, I had imagined that all of Jimmy’s memories would be found here, but now, I stand solely in the bunker’s kitchen, at first I did not really understand, but then it became clear to me. After Jimmy had passed away, his body had become mine, the mind I stand trapped in, is my own. 

And the reason my mind takes me back to the bunker is because, this is home. The bunker, the Winchesters, they are now my everything, although I do hate to admit it, because, a part of me still believes that they do not see me as family, and the time stuck in my mind hasn’t done anything to change that.

Although I do have bigger issues, Lucifer has taken over my body, and so far, he’s disintegrated a few more of my brothers and taken reign over hell again. He hasn’t done anything to bother Sam nor Dean, but I fear that it won’t take long before he does.

He’s never bothered me, and he hasn’t displayed interest in fooling around with my mind, at least I have that to my favor. I should be painting, or doing anything to keep me distracted, but I am relentless, and I need to know what Lucifer plans on doing about Amara. I must admit, a part of me begins to regret this decision, but I was so eager to help in battle, to lose the feeling of incompetence. 

Now all I have is the time to rearrange my thoughts, I ask myself, what will I do next? When I get my body back (I am hoping that occurs) I must confront Dean, I must talk to him about all that has happened, I must learn to treat myself with more respect, and lose this cloud of pithiness that surrounds me.

I walk towards the halls of the bunker, my mind has memorized every room in the building, which means, I know exactly where the library is. I approach it, calmly, looking for any book to entertain me, at this rate, who knows when I shall be free to move at my own will again. 

The hours go by, and it seems that none of these books can distract me from anything, I am in desperate need of something else, maybe I should go back to painting. Besides, I have all the time in the world to finish my so called masterpiece. 

I walk the halls of the bunker, it is too quiet, it makes me regret taking this decision, but I must not think only of myself, for this is good, Lucifer will rid the earth of Amara, that horrible being. Her words still punctuate within my thoughts, and there is something I truly find curious too, why has my father bothered himself to bring me back to life multiple times?

When I confronted Lucifer and Michael, I was disintegrated, yet I came back after Dean had defeated Lucifer, I assumed that it was because I had managed to help stop the apocalypse. But there were other times that I had been brought back, yet I had not done anything special, in fact, I had done quite the contrary. First, when I confronted the archangel’s, I decided to help Dean escape, and sacrifice myself along that prophet, Chuck. Then there was the incident with the Leviathans, I played God, I committed one of the most horrible sins ever, and yet, I was granted life, again. 

Why?

My head begins to pound, all these questions, they are doing nothing but messing with my mind. But I can’t help but ask myself, would god allow me to come to life again, if it were necessary? Since my last return, I have done nothing but cause pain to others, I am the cause the angels fell, I am also the reason why Lucifer is now free to roam earth once again.

The worst part of it all is, I have not done any of this because I felt it was completely the right thing. I did it all for them, for the Winchesters, especially for him, for Dean…

I halt at his door, opening it slowly, as if Dean were to be waiting on the other side. The room is empty, everything seems to be where it needs to be, only he is missing.

I know that this is what beholds my mind, but it still feels wrong to enter the room without his permission, I still find myself doing it. Approaching his bed with caution, I remove my trench coat, I put it besides the bed and then proceed to lay there.

I stare blankly at the ceiling, lost in various thoughts, my fear of failure, the regret of allowing Lucifer to use my vessel for his own purpose. I try to halt these thoughts, instead I begin to wonder about the Winchesters, wondering if they are okay, if they know about Lucifer already, or maybe they still don’t have any suspicions, Lucifer was always good at pretending to be others.

I roll over, allowing the fabric of the bed sheets to caress me, I begin to doze off, but am awaken when I feel an unsettling sensation run through my body. I get up, but that sensation has gone away, maybe it was nothing, or maybe my vessel is trying to tell me something. I stay in my position for a few moments, but nothing, maybe it was nothing.

I begin to observe Dean’s room, everything is well organized and in order, which is strange, because that is exactly how his room is in reality, I am surprised Dean would be so organized, he seems to be lacking in hygiene sometimes. I smile as I picture it. 

Dean…. Why do I feel this? How does an angel of the lord, fall for… a hunter? So peculiar, I have never stopped to actually analyze the situation.

I remember the day I met him, he stabbed me, a strange way of greeting, but then again, Dean was certain that god and the angels were not real, so my appearance must have startled him. 

“Who are you?” He asked me, I remember feeling the threat in his voice, and the worry, for he was fearful about whether or not I had hurt Bobby.

Was it in that moment that I fell for him? No, I remember it gradually growing, but I know exactly when that began. It was when the brothers stopped Samhain from roaming free above the earth, I spoke with Dean at the park, revealing to him our plans, I had so many doubts about what was right and what was wrong, and he somehow, made me forget the worry for a small amount of time.

“It was a test, to see how you would you perform under, battlefield conditions you might say…” I said to him with all seriousness, and he somehow managed to make me forget my seriousness.

“It was a witch, not that tad offensive…” He replied.

It was in that moment, when I grasped a bit of his humor, when I smiled for once, and it was him, he was the one who made it happen.

And as time went by, we began to become friends, and then we were family, but I did not feel of Dean as a brother, I felt different… 

When Anna kissed Dean in my presence, I felt jealousy for the first time, and the same began to happen whenever he would have intercourse with another woman.

He now knows how I feel, and it has only made things worse for us both, he first rejects me, but then kisses me, what does he actually feel? And is it an authentic feeling, or is it because of his guilt? 

A shrieking noise runs through my ears, something has occurred, but I do not know what it is, I concentrate, trying to focus my grace onto whatever it is that is causing this strange sensation. Is it startling, it is a sign of danger, someone is in danger, but it is not just anyone, it is Sam… Lucifer has Sam….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I am so sorry I haven't uploaded in forever, I promise this story is gonna keep going strong, thankls to those who keep reading, love you!! :D


	16. AN APOLOGY TO THE READERS

I would like to apologize to everyone who has supported these stories through and through, mainly because I simply dissapeared and forgot about them. The past year has been set with so many changes in my life, such as my final year of university, and most recently, the earthquake that hit Mexico city the past september, I am fortunate enough to be okay, and my family as well. Unfortunatley, various places in the city are still affected by the consequences left by the past disaster, which is why I have been investing my time in school and helping as much as I can. I thank all the people here who maybe took the time to pray for my country, as to those who maybe donated something. 

I am happy to anounce I will soon be retaking these stories, with all the joy I used to have when I began writing them, so thank you for your patience. Also, know that my heart and prayers are with my fellow american friends at the time, I know that all the recent events have been tragic, and that they have left nothing but sorrow and helplessnes to everyone around them, but I am certain that we will all rise from it, that these past experiences will allow us to grow as human beings; we must remember that whenever something horrible happens around us, we witness the greatness of humanity, we unite as individuals in order to seek solutions, and a better future. 

I send love to you all! <3 

Sincerley, Alexis 


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